Writers-Unite

Group: Writers Unite.

Memoirs suck.

I'm venting!

So my professor had us write a memoir. For me it seemed like the easiest thing to do, up until i was typing it. I cried after every page as I relived every memory with my mother. I guess in a way I needed to go back down memory lane with her but I never thought I'd be this emotional!

Sorry just had to let that out.


Daniela Bustamante

11th March 2013


It's ok....cry it out....memoirs suck.

That's why I never talk about my grandmother in detail and I never wrote about it. When she was alive and dying, I cried so much trying to think of ways to keep her alive, I had permanent cold and my hair turned white at the edges, at age 20. Can you beat that? When she died I was so drained, crying two years already for her in her life, I had no tears left.

So cry as much as you can so it gets out of your system.

It will benefit you later.


Asma Ahsan

12th March 2013


Crying also provides for healing, though it may seem very difficult and hurtful at the time. Though it doesn't erase memories, it takes the edge off things. (Just a comment from a guy who has cried more than most men will admit to.)


Jim Miller

11th March 2013


Jim,

Ok....I need to meet your wife. How does she manage you? I have never seen my husband shed a tear. Or my dad. I have never seen a man cry. Even my son tries to hide his tears.

I never cry in public either, not if I can help it. If I do cry I put a napkin over my eyes and wear sun glasses.


Asma Ahsan

12th March 2013


I've never tried writing a memoir, so I haven't experienced the crying that that can bring, but I will tell you, I had tears in my eyes when I finished that "Get Up and Walk" piece that I just posted. So I know that documenting the past can be tear producing. I hope that your tears, your reminiscing, and your writings have been beneficial to you, Daniela.


Jim Miller

11th March 2013


Jim. You sould not write a memoir. Write later how you recovered.


Asma Ahsan

12th March 2013


Well Jim, I would ask: How did you feel after writing "Get Up and Walk". I would think that it must have been somewhat cathartic in a way. I would think, a weight had been lifted to share this part of you. At least, it is what I wish for you.


Cindy Beitinger

11th March 2013


I do the man thing, too, and refrain from crying in public, but when I am suffering the pain of depression, I do tend to cry a lot in my private time. I will cry in front of people who know me well, and sometimes with a therapist. Other than that, I pretty much seem like a regular guy. I think for me, and with what I have to live with, it has been a life-saver for me to have learned how to cry when the pressure seems unbearable. I don't think this makes me weak. I just see it as utilizing the outlets that God has given me.

I don't know how my wife manages me, or puts up with me. First of all, I warned her before our marriage that I suffered from schizo-affective disorder. I don't think that she understood everything that came with that, but she accepted it when she accepted me. Her father is the one who had difficulty with me.

She is a saint! I guess when she said for better or worse at the altar, she meant it! Sometimes she will get upset with me when I am overly morose, or negatively verbalize how I feel to her. Then I know I just have to cool it and give her space for awhile. I think it also helps her to manage me in that I am very in touch with myself and others even though I am very flawed with my illness. I tend to forgive myself and others very easily, too. I think that this makes me easier to live with. I have many positives that balance my negatives, and this is an asset to our relationship.


Jim Miller

11th March 2013


@Cindy

I am glad that I revealed myself through writing and posting "Get Up and Walk" here at SS. I'll have to learn to do and act similarly in every day life. It is freeing.


Jim Miller

11th March 2013


@Asma

I still haven't recovered from my illness. I have a cyclic disorder. Sometimes I am sick, and sometimes I am well. When things are stressful, and going badly for me, I just need to hang on until they get better. They always do. It's easy to say this, but often hard to believe it and live as if it's true.


Jim Miller

11th March 2013


@ Jim

Thank you for answering my question. I have a family member who suffers bipolar disorder and is also manic. It's great to get perspective from the inside. You've opened my eyes and my heart in so many ways through reading your story. I really appreciate the pain and effort you went through to share it with us.


Cindy Beitinger

11th March 2013


Jim, we all carry some illness somewhere that stays for life. I have unexplained asthma. I get admitted when my attack happens. I will die with cardiac asthma as most of my elders. It's genetic.

I wish you good luck. I hope things get easier for you as time goes by. Thankyou for sharing. :)


Asma Ahsan

12th March 2013


I went to counseling and my counselor always tried to get an emotion out of me. I would literally sit there and talk about everything with no emotion. It was hard for me to completely open up to her and be able to release one little tear. But she helped me realize that it's not a sign of weakness which was my problem. I cry whenever I feel like it... No matter where I'm at. I always held in my tears and made me become emotionally numb; it was really bad. The only time I saw my father cry was when my mom died. He does not cry. My brother on the other hand is open with his feelings and will cry whenever he needs to. I've seen both sides. Men get some much drilled in their head, it messed them up sometimes.

Asma, don't confess that over your life. You won't die like that. Break that generational curse.


Daniela Bustamante

15th March 2013


When I was younger, I was like most males---"big boys don't cry". But now, I let myself cry quite easily. I think the difference was suffering so much from depression after 1976. At times, it was either cry, or put a bullet in my head. I think I chose the better option, 'cause now I'm here with you fine folks and enjoying your company on this site.


Jim Miller

16th March 2013


Jim - good to read you all cheerful and friendly like. :P


Daniela - dont worry. I am ok about dying however. I just want my death to be quick so my family doesnt have to look after me at the end as that bothers me. I dont want to be an inconvenience to anyone.


Asma Ahsan

24th March 2013


I think everyone feels like that.
I hope my dad doesn't end up like that because he'll probably just shoot himself. He's 57 and he moves around like if he were 20 so it'll be devasting for him to see his body just break down but I still think he has a long way to go.


Daniela Bustamante

2nd April 2013


I have only just discovered this Discussion.
Let me have my two bobs worth!

Firstly, to cry is very healing.
It is an emotion that MUST be expressed.
It shows that a person has released their emotional feelings.
I can hardly ever remember crying until I reached 50.
I had kept all of my emotions trapped within a body of armour!
I called it self-preservation, because I have never ever seen my mother cry!
My husband was always the one who cried, for he is an emotional man, which is really great for me, who never cried! I was stronger emotionally, always!

However, unfortunately, when I went through the Menopause, like the proverbial record, all those emotions that you were strong enough to keep under cover, are now reversed with the turning of the record, and it all comes out 100 fold! I suffered depression and began to cry about my childhood, my past grievances, the loss of my baby, etc. However, by crying, I released all that trapped negative energy which I'd harboured for too many years. Sure, I accept things now and was able to 'Let Go' and move forward.

I have always said that the only good thing that came out of this difficult time, was that because my emotions were so heightened, I began to compose music. Sad, Happy, Bright, Mournful etc. Music for every mood, which I called, 'Music from the SOUL' so in those 6 years, I managed to compose 25 tunes, that to me are quite special. I should copyright them I suppose.

I don't read music, so play by ear, however, I have recorded them all on an audio-cassette. Not sure how to put them on a CD though. You see I think I needed to go through those emotions to produce what I did.

Now Asma...Don't go being practical and morbid at the same time about DYING. If we are born then we must die! These days with the advancement of medical science, we are all living longer.
I have already outlived my father who died my age.


Davide Castel

6th April 2013


Crying IS very healing. I think everyone at some point in their life decide to put up an emotional wall. They show no emotion at all and don't cry. I was like that... my teachers defined it as being emotionally numb. Then, there comes a point where you just let go. And just like you Lucy, I can to a point where I just cried about everything... I was letting it all out. I still cry myself to sleep but I don't see it as a thing. I cry to let out all my frustrations of the day. On Wednesday, I started crying at work because I was so (like we americans say) pissed off! I was so upset and angry that I just broke down. I really feel stupid for crying so much AND at work but it really helped me. It seems silly but I realized what the root of it was. I haven't actually sat down with anyone in a long time and talked. I always used to go to someone and just talk and cry about everything and that hasn't happened in a long time soooooo i think that when i cried that just all came forward. We all have different ways that we release whatever we're feeling but I think a lot of people just eventually have emotional breakdowns.


Daniela Bustamante

5th April 2013


Daniela. You prefer not to think like a victim. That's a strength, so stay strong. :)

Lucy, I realized what death is at age six, and it drummed into my mind in its reality, at age eleven. I have always been very practical about death. I have helped many terminally ill people to embrace their end happily. They died happy.

This life is a gift. I spend each day like there is no tomorrow, I value every minute I spend on earth, I am not morbid about death. I have people I love way too much, In heaven. My death will mean I will join them hopefully. If I am good here and behave myself. Let's say that I found in life that the living are selfish and too self involved to care about you, but the dead who you loved when they were alive, still love you beyond the grave. So I am happy about the concept of death. Just asking God to give me enough time here to ensure my kids have families and are happy in their homes. .:)


Asma Ahsan

8th April 2013


Asma...I think that is the hardest reason to not want to die. You would miss seeing your loved ones growing.
Death also holds no fear for me, unless I were to die an agonising death, like my mother and my fiancé, but what I am really frightened of, is departing with unfinished business. Leaving a mess behind. My drawers are full of junk (well to others it may be junk, but to me, it's precious) I have been told by my children and husband, that it will all be going to the TIP! I have told them all that if they do, I will haunt them in their dreams! Which is really terrible of me to say that. I would like to live at least till 80, but who knows what is in store for me? Not too many years left to go!


Davide Castel

8th April 2013


There is no score - my cousins son died at 14 a few years ago, his wife died almost 38 I think.

Its good practice to clean the drawers anyways all the time so if you have to move out or pass over, so to speak, the family doesnt have to clean up for you. I try to do that even now.

Live life as you live in a hotel on a vacation. I live like that, I dont make roots anywhere.


Asma Ahsan

8th April 2013


Gosh Asma...I need you here to do it for me!
It is so hard for a hoarder, to get rid of stuff!
In a way I am too relaxed, and don't worry too much about certain things, however, because I don't always have that 'ruthless energy' needed for this chore, I have to wait till the ruthlessness sets in!


Davide Castel

9th April 2013


Goof thinking - I am horrible at starting the clean up - once I start, then |I finish quick.


Asma Ahsan

8th April 2013


Braden Fritsche asked me to post this:


“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.”
Maya Angelou


Daniela Bustamante

9th April 2013


Oh Yes. This is all so very true.
It festers and explodes inside of you!


Davide Castel

10th April 2013


Exactly!


Daniela Bustamante

10th April 2013


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