All-Things-ScribeSlice

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Throwing a Tantrum

tantrum

My fifteen month old threw her first tantrum yesterday. She refused to listen, got out of her stroller, and decided to walk off in the opposite direction.

It took me a lot of convincing and cajoling to get her back in her pram.

It's very difficult to handle a stubborn child. Any stories on babies throwing tantrums, or any good advice on how to handle it without scarring them for life, please add here.

I appreciate good advice from experienced parents anytime. Thanks. :)


Asma Ahsan

3rd May 2013


P.S - the picture was not descriptive of my child and myself but I posted it as its so funny! :P


Asma Ahsan

3rd May 2013


go to the kitchen ....get a large cooking pot.....put cooking pot on your head....get down on hands and knees and give her a piggy back ride.....if this does not work call me back.....


Ahmed Alireza

3rd May 2013


Aww, so cute, but she is too small for piggy back ride. I hold her by the armpits and give her swings instead. Or tickle her. She just started walking. :)


Asma Ahsan

3rd May 2013


My parenting days were forty plus years ago. My idea on child psychology is to take the book and apply it firmly to the seat of their pants. Permissiveness that started with the Doctor Spock mentality has led to nothing but problems with today's society. The psychologists think that "pills" are the answer to all problems. In my humble opinion, it takes more than chemicals to raise a child.


Don Yarber

3rd May 2013


I am afraid to admit that I too am a bit old school. I don't spank the kids, but upon the occasion, If my child gets a hold of of something dangerous like a pen or some other sensitive thing and is enjoying it immensely, I take it away at once, regardless of how much she cries. Her cries fall on dead ears. Say a firm no, and offer them an alternative. It's a five minute headache to hear her wail, but I am already noticing that time to be becoming less as she is understanding slowly that when mom says no, it means no.

Same with the older two. The only time I ever slapped them was if they were going blue being stubborn, to get them to breath again, or if they hit each other, which they are not allowed to. Thankfully, I don't resort to physical punishment as my dirty look and firm no is pretty effective.

I am also teaching them to not be churlish and not throw verbal tantrums for attention. They should behave properly, and be well mannered, to get all the respect and attention that they deserve. I am very strict about good manners and proper ettiquettes.

That's my take on discipline.


Asma Ahsan

3rd May 2013


Take her mind off her tantrum, by 'bribing' her - (yes, that's what it amounts to, because a child cannot understand an adults reasoning.
Do something to make her laugh, or show her something interesting, or even give her something to eat. It's called distraction, mind over matter.
Or else, if in the house, put on music or play lots of Peek a boo games with her. Give her something that will take her mind off her tantrum or else, if safe, begin to walk away yet keep your eye on her all the time.
When my own children were little, my eldest was pushing the walker with my youngest in it, and it tipped over into the ruse bush...so before my youngest could even cry, and was in shock, I picked her up and said,'Look at that!' and it was mind over matter and she never even cried, even though her head was scratched and bleeding! I could tell you lots of stories. But they do go through phases, so wait till she turns two!


Davide Castel

4th May 2013


I'm not an experienced parent but sure as hell am experienced. I have worked with children of all ages, this includes special needs children. What I saw that worked best was to let the kid cry, scream, kick whatever, let them do it and ignore them. It makes them more mad that you "don't care." After all the commotion, sit down with them and talk; obviously won't work with a small child. I see how my co-workers get frustrated with the children and try too hard to get them to calm down and i really dont think its neccessary to be yelling along with the kid.

My nephew just turned 2 and he screams when he doesn't get his way. I've learned how to get him not to scream, sometimes we go out for dinner and he likes to feed himself but he makes a giant mess! What I do is say "can I help you?" And he give me the spoon and the problem I solved. He doesn't like sharing so whenever some other kid takes a toy of his, he throws himself and kicks. I simply pick him and take him to the kid and have him wait until the other kid is done playing with a toy and then have him get it back and say "see! You have to share."

I own a daycare and my nephew attends it at times so I try to slip in some discipline that we use here at my job. It's embarrassing how he screams and hits at times but he's doing better now.


Daniela Bustamante

3rd May 2013


Get down and a have tantrum with her. She will not know how to respond and will stop at once. Kids act out to get our attention; when that attention is taken away, they stop. Kids understand a lot more than we think they do. You can reason with a child. A child will push buttons to see how much leverage they can get. When something works for them, they will use that tactic again. Kids are very perceptive.


Cindy Beitinger

3rd May 2013


Daniela, thats very good advice.

Cindy, I like your reasoning too. I agree they push buttons to test their limits.


Asma Ahsan

4th May 2013


I loved everybody's advice.

My daughter never hits her children, and we are not allowed to either, otherwise, she bans us from coming to her house, so we try reverse psychology! THAT always works.

Times have changed. We smacked our children, if they really needed to be taught a lesson, and they learnt rather quickly. However, now they have held that against us!
However, we didn't know any better at that time, for our parents always smacked us too. We did the best that we could, in the only way we knew how!


Davide Castel

5th May 2013


My mom occasionally slapped me on the cheek, but they all did it. I was very stubborn. The first time, copying her, I slapped my daughter lightly on the cheek, the way she saw me broke my heart. I don't recall ever wanting to hit my child. I get mad, but generally, I dont want to smack anyone. I don't even get even with people, I am a loser like that. :(

I don't have the strength to make someone look bad. There is something seriously wrong with me.


Asma Ahsan

5th May 2013


No...You are a good, but stubborn, softie.
We all realise our mistakes as we get older, and the last people you really want to hurt, are the ones you LOVE!


Davide Castel

5th May 2013


Wa!..Wa!..wa!...wa!...wa!...wa,wa,wa,wa..diddy..wa,wa..wa,wa!! Whew!...did that ever feel good to get that out of my system! Now, if I can just find someone to change my Attends, life would just be peachy keen!


Allen Clarke

5th May 2013


I was never spanked. Maybe once or twice here and there. My dad and I always just yelled at eachother when I was a pre-teen. My brother slapped me once when he was in charge of me in my teenage years. I just froze, I didn't know how to react although I wanted to slap him back. To me, spanking isn't bad. Once you start doing it all the time, then there's a problem. A smack on the hand here and there does no harm.


Daniela Bustamante

6th May 2013


Allen, thats funny. :)

Daniela, smacking makes a child stubborn, so best to train them to obey verbal orders. The stern eye should stop them.

Lucy, I am stubborn in some ways and flexible in others. For example, I am very rigid in my religious views. I go by The Book, so basically, I wont listen to anyone criticizing my beliefs or my religion. I go deaf.

For the ones I love, I am so flexible that I can climb mountains and swing from trees(though I hope I dont have to as I really dont like to monkey around) :)


Asma Ahsan

7th May 2013


Allen...Have a good cry now and then, it's a great release!

Daniela...Times have so changed from then to now. We were 4 siblings and always fought, hit etc. Because we all lived in a tiny 2 bedroom Californian bungalow home, 6 of us in a confined space, so no wonder we all got on each other's nerves. My mother was the only one who didn't smack.
Even at school, we used to get the cane or strap, or the open whack! The boys used to get canned and they got 'Six of the best!
Now, a 5 y.o. has been heard to say to the mother, 'If you smack me, I'll tell the police'.
It is just not allowed here anymore. But what is the result? The child has all the power to do whatever it wants.
Sure, they can be sent to their room as punishment, and verbally told, however sometimes, when there is danger involved, they need to learn quickly! I used to give my children a tick for every good deed and a cross for every misdeed, and at the end of the week, they either got pocket money if good, or denied some outing/treat if naughty!
Even at school, children these days, seem to be the bosses. The teachers cannot smack.
So what is the right thing to do?

Asma...Yes, a parent suffers the most when they hurt the ones they love.
I always find that there needs to be a half-way solution or compromise.
A child needs to understand the reasons.
My youngest 3 y.o. grandson went through a phase of saying, 'You're stupid!' which I think he picked up in childcare. Then I began saying to him, 'Why do you think I'm stupid? Don't I drive a car to come visit and cook your meals? And play the piano?' He looked at me and I think he understood, especially when I said to him, 'Can you dress yourself? Can you sing? Can you count to 20? Can you ride your bike?' 'Wes' he said. Then you're not stupid either okay?' Now he understands and has forgotten the 'stupid' word.


Davide Castel

7th May 2013


"Wes" is so cute! The younger brother? James is older I think. they probably sound identical too.


Asma Ahsan

7th May 2013


No Asma...completely different. The eldest is a charmer, the town crier, has to know everything and tell everybody the latest news etc., can't keep still.
The younger used to say 'Wes' but now says 'Yes' properly. He has a chubbier face and much quieter, a real thinker. He needs explanations. The little girl is like both of them but more like the older brother and a real chatter-box!


Davide Castel

7th May 2013


Times have definitely changed. It's sad to see how kids disrespect their parents now and how they are so rude! All my mother had to do was give me "the look" and I backed off. My mom intimidated me and I never pushed her buttons.. or my dads!

I have a bestfriend who I grew up with. We've known eachother since we were 2. We are complete opposite! I was always the well behaved, good student. She was the big mouth brat. She always threatened her mother that she would call the cops if she even touched her hair. That girl still has her mother wrapped around her finger, it's so sad to see. I lived with them for a while after my mom passed away and the mother once sat down with me and asked me "Did you ever tell your mother that you hated her?" I said "Dear God no! As much as my mother got on my nerves, I would've never said that." And then she cried and said that her daughter said it all the time. It was sad to see but it's the mother's fault, she never disciplined her... and now she suffers.

I'm BIG on discipline and respect. I hate when kids are butting in to adults conversations... you have no idea how much it irritates me. If my child ever told me "hit me and I'll call the cops," I'd challenge them.


Daniela Bustamante

7th May 2013


We are in this strange era especially with society these days. How are these children going to cope when they grow? What will become of them? No wonder crime is rampant in this country!

We were all taught to respect our parents and our elders. Children would be seen but not heard.
When my children were younger, we did it our way, as most Italians did. However, we observed this particular Australian neighbour, who would come to visit with her children, who would swing on the cords of our lounge curtains, and yet their mother wouldn't even get up off her backside to stop them. All she said was in her quiet voice, 'Don't do that' when I felt like whacking that child!
Other children would come to either to dinner and sit on the few chairs we had, and not let the grown ups sit! We saw lots of 'no respect' however, that is their problem.

We brought up our children the way we thought was right, for us. Nobody was going to tell us how to bring up our children, they were ours! My mother also used to give us a hurt look, so we always tried to please her and not hurt her.


Davide Castel

8th May 2013


Lucy, the kids sound wonderful. :)

Daniela, in my case, I brought up mine in a new city with no family so they picked up all sorts of influences along the way. Here in Dubai they are exposed to international friends, and pick up all sorts of habits, but as I kept correcting them daily, and kept drumming in their heads that they have some ethics to follow, I am now often catching them saying wisely that thank god they got over a destructive phase. They are quite philosophical now and think that they brought themselves Up oh so properly,

I keep quiet. :)


Asma Ahsan

7th May 2013


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