Don Yarber Don Yarber
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Your use of commas is really bad. Have you not heard of using periods to end sentences?

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Toney Eugene Toney Eugene
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Chain Letter

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She had a friend.

This writing contains explicit content and is only for adults. You have been warned.

*Wrote this a couple years ago, one of my first short stories*      

       Jeanette Howard was daydreaming at her laptop until a familiar sound from her Messenger indicating that she received a new message brought her back to reality. Being bored and having nothing to do she quickly opened it. Her eyebrows raised when the sender was marked as Anonymous, shaking that from her mind she went on to reading the message which said: In the past you have been a bad person, however, you have been granted a second chance, your first step begins with sending this message back, you have EXACTLY four days, starting tomorrow to send it back, and then you will receive another email as to what you must do. If it is not received within the first day, on the following days you shall suffer consequences, each one worse than the last. If it is not received by 11:59PM on the last day, you WILL suffer a painful death at EXACTLY 12:00AM.
P.S. This is NOT your regular chain letter.
       She read the message a second time and then laughed it off, obviously this is one of my friends playing a joke on me she thought to herself, still laughing her ass off, she shut down the laptop and went to sleep.
       This class is so boring, Jeanette was saying over and over in her head as she sat in her math class, how can anyone stand Mr. Frank’s monotone voice. The class bell rung and Jeanette was the first out the door, she walked down the hall, and outside to the benches where she found her boyfriend, Kelroy Hodge, listening to his iPod.
       “Hey baby” she greeted him with a kiss.
       “How are ya?” he asked
       “Tired, I had math”
       “Aww, I’m sorry, well it’s over now so you can chill…hey, um there’s party Friday night, wanna come?
        “Sure, not like I’m doing anything else.” There was a honk of a cars horn somewhere in the distance, “that sounds like my mom, gotta go, see you later”
“Bye babe.” 1 comment

       Jeanette got home, got out of her school clothes, and took a quick shower. She wasted no time getting in her bed, she heard her mother call her name about three times for dinner, but she ignored it, she was way too tired. The next day at school, Jeanette was being walked to her gym class by Kelroy
       “So how was your night?” he asked
       “What night?” she questioned, “Babe, I was so tired, I went to sleep as soon as I got home. I am still tired and don’t want to go to class. I’m gonna be late, what time is it?”
       “It’s 10:50…well 10:40, my watch is like 10 minutes fast”
       “Here’s a bright idea, Mr. Scholar, fix it”
       “No, I like it like that, it kinda makes me early for interviews and important events”
       “Oookay, if you say so”
       Jeanette was about to say something else when she felt the ground underneath her move, and before she knew it she was tumbling down a flight of stairs. Kelroy quickly rushed down to her, helped her up and asked if she was OK, I’m fine she managed to say. For the entire day Jeanette was trying to figure out exactly how she fell…
       Jeanette woke up, feeling refreshed and happy, and excited, it was Thursday and that meant no classes for her, and as an added bonus her parents were leaving that night, for an entire week. She decided that instead of her regular shower, that she’ll take a bath. She filled the tub, and added in some scented bath soaps, and laid there for a while, feeling the warmth of the water on her skin, Nice, she thought. Suddenly she felt something grabbed hold of her entire body, this unseen force was now pulling her down, she tried to scream out for help but no sound came out, she pushed, kicked, screamed…nothing. The pressure of the unseen force was now on her head, pushing it below the water, she tried to break free, but all she did was swallow her bath water, after minutes of struggling everything was silent, the grip on Jeanette was now gone, she submerged and quickly jumped out of the tub, went to her room and began crying…
       The night of the party came and Jeanette was dressed in her best outfit, hours of joking, dancing, fooling around went by, then she parted with her friends, and she and Kelroy went out on the porch.
       “The moon looks beautiful” she said
       “Not as beautiful as you” he smiled and kissed her on the cheek
       “Smooth” she said, half-sarcastically
       “Thanks…hey, uh your skirt is kinda torn”
       “What!?” she asked shocked, then looked at the skirt, “Damn it, this is my favorite skirt”
       “Wow, lately you’ve been prone to bad luck, what happened, broke a mirror? Black cat cross your path? Failed to repost a chain letter?”
       Jeanette felt her blood turn cold, her eyes opened wide.
       “You OK?” Kelroy asked.
       “The e-mail” she said, more to herself than to Kelroy.
       “What e-mail?” Kelroy asked
       “Four days” she said, “today’s the last, I need to get to a computer”
       “What’s going on J?” Kelroy asked concerned, “what’s up?”
       “I got a weird e-mail four days ago, it said I will suffer consequences, which I have been, and…well…look, I don’t know, I have until 12:00 to send it back or else I die, I need a computer damn it”
       “OK, just chill, there’s one in the den”
       Jeanette quickly ran back into the house, pushing everyone out from her way, and rushed to the den, with Kelroy behind her with equal speed. She opened her hotmail account, clicked the e-mail she received four days ago, but it failed to open. “Shit!” she said out loud, “I can’t get it open, we need to get back to my house…NOW!”
       “OK, calm down, I’ll take you as fast as I can.” The drive to Jeanette’s was a fast and dangerous one, after about 25 minutes they got there. Jeanette quickly rushed to her room, tried turning on the laptop but it wouldn’t come on.
       “Fuck, fuck, fuck, where’s the fucking charger?” she cursed, she finally located it, plugged it in and waited for the laptop to start up.
       Kelroy looked at her in total confusion, “Baby, baby, calm down” he said
       “I can’t, this fucking thing needs to hurry up”
       “Babe, no really, you’re being paranoid”
       “I’m not” she yelled
       “Yes you are…didn’t you say it had to be sent by 12 or else you die?” she nodded. “Well, it’s 12:02, and you’re pretty much alive.”
       Relief washed over Jeanette, she let out a sigh, and felt embarrassed. Kelroy, who was sitting on the bed motioned her to come sit next to him, they spent a couple minutes talking about the e-mail, “pretty stupid huh?” Jeanette finally said, “anyways, what’s your plan for the rest of the weekend?”
       “Nothing really” Kelroy answered, “just some stupid interview”
       Suddenly, something within Jeanette clicked, “Baby, didn’t you say that your watch was 10 minutes fast?” Kelroy said nothing. All the fear that had left not too long ago came rushing back, Jeanette quickly went back over to the laptop, put in her password and waited for it to start up, the computer’s clock read 11:57, it was a race against time. Jeanette finally got her hotmail account up, and opened the message, but as soon as she was about to hit send the screen went blank, it felt like her entire world came crashing down. Kelroy was speechless and motionless as he witnessed what happened next. The skin on Jeanette’s face was peeling off, invisible fingers digging in and harshly pulling off the skin from her face, then long cuts appeared all over her body, with blood steadily flowing out, tears fell from Kelroy’s eyes as he saw the pain and agony on the face of his girlfriend, knowing that there was nothing he could do about it. Jeanette let out one final scream, then fell to the ground in a pool of her own blood. Kelroy sat there for hours, crying, trying to make sense of what he had just witnessed…

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