Harley Bailey Harley Bailey
Recommendations: 29

There needs to be a comma between "attended" and "to" or doesn't make much sense. Also "departed" should probably be "departing".

Leonard a. Wronke Leonard a. Wronke
Recommendations: 23

it do understand the reference of the comma, I was showing that Neith's needs had to be aided. I changed it as you referred but still think iot is now more confusing.

Harley Bailey Harley Bailey
Recommendations: 29

Sorry you are right... I meant there needs to be a comma after "attended to" - not between it.

Leonard a. Wronke Leonard a. Wronke
Recommendations: 23

Harley, when I attempted to republish using the about button it shows only the original text none of the corrections. should I be worried about this ? I am asking because after thechapter has been corrected I do the E-BOOK that i have a corrected, polished copy of each chapter to reference when I am ready for publication.

Harley Bailey Harley Bailey
Recommendations: 29

I had a look in your ebook version and it appears to be the same as the text you currently have here on the page. Or am I missing something?

Leonard a. Wronke Leonard a. Wronke
Recommendations: 23

It must have fixed itself now....could it be that I hhad to shut it down , then come back for it to correct.

Harley Bailey Harley Bailey
Recommendations: 29

"Neith with Soru, Paldor - should probably be "Neith with Soru and Paldor".

Leonard a. Wronke Leonard a. Wronke
Recommendations: 23

Harley, I hope this sequence fleshes out enough for you. if not, re-comment.

Leonard a. Wronke Leonard a. Wronke
Recommendations: 23

Harley, what do you thinkof this sequence....fleshed out enough.

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Leonard a. Wronke Leonard a. Wronke
Recommendations: 23

Under the Double Star - Chapter Six


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And Fernando Makes Three -Part One Ira Furor Brevis Est

      It was while Neith was being attended to, that the raider's vessel had pulled
     up anchor, departing with some of their own crew still not on board. 6 comments


         Upon regaining consciousness, conferring with a crew member, who had
    knowledge of the creatures, Neith spoke, " I've information of these Levians; what
    they do to captives. We must go after her."


          " We shall. Once all the remaining raiders have been stopped." Paldor
     replied.
          
          With the security of her ship still not totally assured, Neith with Soru and
      Paldor turned their attention back to aiding the "VIRAGO" 's  crew in the final repulsion of the raiders. 1 comment


          Fueled by anguish, thrusting with her cutlass, Neith's back protected by the
    dual staffs, she cut a swath through the remaining Levians. 2 comments


          First, plowing through the Levians to her left, cutting limbs from the quad-
     armed beings, bluish blood squirting from their severed members, lobbing off of heads.


         The path before herself cleared, Neith, then moved through the raiders to her
     right.
          She was not as accurate, with her strength ebbing, having it be up to the
     humming staffs of both Soru and Paldor, to clear these marauders.


          This continued until all she met was the remainder of her own crew.


           Then, Neith turned to her first mate for an assessment of the damage since
     she needed to know if the "VIRAGO" was still seaworthy.
            
           The mate stated that they killed 12, lost 14, everybody was accounted for
     except Athene. The further assessment proved there was not any major damage. All
     the oars were secure.
  
          With this report, Neith declared, "Stand down at present. Ship all oars.
     When needed, I require full speed. If possible, I desire the oars to run all
     night." In explanation, after the bemused faces of both Soru and Paldor, Neith
     continued, " Unlike the Levians, who use captives to man their oars, our
     paddle-wheel powered oars can run at will. I wish to overtake their vessel as
     swiftly as possible before Athene is subjected to the chains. "


          Neith continued, turning now towards Paldor, " I hope you understand that
      until Athene is returned, your mission is on hold."


          Paldor, knowingly, nods his affirmation.
          


        Then, Neith speaks to Soru, " Now you shall earn your berth upon my ship. Do
        well aiding to secure Athene's return, you shall have a permanent place upon
        the  deck of the "VIRAGO".


        In the few hours required to do everything, the attending to of the dead, the
     wounded, her own cheek furrow, Neith spied both Soru and Paldor standing along
     the rail.
        
          She called them to her, "With all that needed to be made whole, the Levians
     had the chance to slip away. It couldn't be helped, as much as it troubles me.
     Now we will pursue, in earnest. I know I can count on you, both, for any further
     assistance. DEI, help the Levians when I sight their accursed ship. I will make
     every last one of them regret their actions."


          After the Levian had carried Athene across to his ship, deposited her upon
     its deck after crying out triumphantly, he moved to the wheelhouse, acknowledging
     the guard as he entered.


          He noticed, in the semi-darkness as he entered, the seated figure situated  
    in the far corner.


         The figure, sensing his approach, opened her eyes as if staring straight
    through him.

          " The raid was successsful." the Levian stated, " A Sapen female was taken
     that should aid your plan."
    
          " Excellent. When I return from seeing this captive, all this effort will be
      justified. "


          The seated figure finished this speech and leaned further into the diffused
     light to reveal the half-scarred, lower portion of a feminine face, partially
     hidden under a scarf.


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