Asma Ahsan Asma Ahsan
Recommendations: 31

I thought you meant that a person called primae had disfigured her face. I see now that it means that the reason for her disfigured face, her leaving the order, and her search for the primae was one and the same.

Leonard a. Wronke Leonard a. Wronke
Recommendations: 23

ok. Asma, I am glad you re-read that. hang on to your seat the adventure gets even more intriguing.

Don Yarber Don Yarber
Recommendations: 42

No comma needed after Luckily.

Don Yarber Don Yarber
Recommendations: 42

I believe the correct way to use a ship's name is just to either capitalize it or put it in italics.

Leonard a. Wronke Leonard a. Wronke
Recommendations: 23

Thank you, Don, so for the ships' names how I have it is correct...all capitals. should I use the quotation marks as I have or remove them.

Don Yarber Don Yarber
Recommendations: 42

I would remove them if it were me.

Don Yarber Don Yarber
Recommendations: 42

The normal accepted way to signify a ship's name is to italicize it, but that is difficult to do when posting here.

Leonard a. Wronke Leonard a. Wronke
Recommendations: 23

thank you , Don, for telling me correct way to show this.I will remove the marks from this chapter, all previous chapters that have the ships' names.

Leonard a. Wronke Leonard a. Wronke
Recommendations: 23

thank you , Don, for telling me correct way to show this.I will remove the marks from this chapter, all previous chapters that have the ships' names.

Asma Ahsan Asma Ahsan
Recommendations: 31

You should just capitalise the name of the ship in all the chapters.No itallics or commas required. Just standardise the changes.

Leonard a. Wronke Leonard a. Wronke
Recommendations: 23

Asma, in all my writing classes it was emphasized Ithat a ship's name be done as I have written. after the whole novel is finished I will re-do anything necessary to have it publishable.

Asma Ahsan Asma Ahsan
Recommendations: 31

Then its fine. In editing we let the writer decide the way they want to present a term their way and we just standardise it. Its totally your call. If this is your preference, just check that it is same across the book. That's all.

Don Yarber Don Yarber
Recommendations: 42

question mark after last word in this paragraph.

Don Yarber Don Yarber
Recommendations: 42

Question mark needed at the end of this paragraph.

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Leonard a. Wronke Leonard a. Wronke
Recommendations: 23

Under the Double Star - Chapter Eight


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And Fernando Makes Three -Part One Ira Furor Brevis Est

      " Its true." stated the Levian, " I was the captain of the "SCHEOL." For some
     reason, my crew mutinied after a female Sapen came on board. She had only arrived
     when I saw her speaking to my boatswain. A short time later, I was attacked in my
     quarters, chained and led down here. It was after that the "SCHEOL" started
     raiding. Other than the time I have spent as an oar slave, I know nothing else.


           I have noticed that for the past few days, the oarmaster has been anxious.
     There being talk that we are being pursued. Now, it seems it could be the ship
     from which you were taken."



          Perra sat, alone, replaying in her memory, the events that lead to her
     present situation.


          How she had been summoned before the council for some infraction that she
     could not remember but severe enough to be asked to leave the ALLIA. It did not
     matter. She had her own reason for leaving. The one that had made her face a
     disfigurement. The one pertaining to the being called the PRIMAE. 2 comments


          The information she had gathered had pointed her to that port. Where she had
     discovered there was a person who might know where this PRIMAE may be located. The
     captain of the "VIRAGO". It was fortunate that the "SCHEOL" had found, after
     all these trying months, the very ship she was seeking.


          Luckily for Perra, she had made the acquaintance of one of the "SCHEOL" 's crew who was not adverse to taking the muntarii she offered. 10 comments


          Perra paced the length of the wheelhouse, fidgeting with her scarf,
     contemplating her next action.


          As she walked towards the door cloth, Perra called out to the guard outside
     to ask him to bring the oarmaster to her. She reseated herself as she awaited his
     arrival.


          When the oarmaster approached, the guard outside the wheelhouse announced him.
    Then, recieving an affirmation from Perra, allowed the oarmaster to enter. 1 comment


         The Levian crossed into the wheelhouse as Perra,laughingly, spoke, "How is
    the newest captive you brought aboard? Has she found her accommodations
    satisfactory?" 1 comment


         At this quip, the Levian joined the humor, saying, " She is doing fine after
    a little orientation. She is seated next to Idon."


        " Excellent," Perra stated, " Shall we have a word with her regarding what we
    have planned for her and her rescuers?" 1 comment



         With the oarmaster leading the way, Perra descended to the hold of the
    "SCHEOL".
        
         After Perra located Athene's position on the benches, Perra stood next to her
    and declared, " You do not seem to fit the description of those that sail upon the
    "VIRAGO". You look more of the land than a traverser of the "lanes". How came you
    to her deck? "
        
         " I am the sister of the captain. I was crossing by her leave."


         Perra sought to hide the fact that she was seeking the "VIRAGO" 's captain. She
     did not want anyone to interefere with her plan. " Did anyone besides you recently seek
     passage? "


         " There is a Keth named Paldor who wishes passage to some forbidden islands.
     There are none others to my knowledge."


         The mentioning of the Keth caused Perra's eyes to show a brief fear but it
     soon passed.
        
         Pera turned to the oarmaster who stood, silently, at her side and commanded,
     " Release this one. Have her brought to the wheeelhouse for further questioning."


         In compliance, the oarmaster approached Athene.
        
         The oarmaster reached for the key dangling around his neck, inserted it into
     lock connected to the long chain, started to turn it...


          The "SCHEOL" rocked. All benches began to pitch suddenly. With the abruptness
     of the motion, all the rowers hit the hull hard. The oarmaster and Perra were thrown
     to the deck.


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