Summer Breeze Summer Breeze
Recommendations: 19

i tried to write this under the 'discuss' area, but it seems to be malfunctioning. i enjoyed this piece, and found it very soft and meloncholy, wistful. the only thing i would suggest is that you decide whether it's going to rhyme or be a free verse poem. you have lines that flow so well in rhyme, and then it stops rhyming, which threw the rhythm off for me and made me stumble in my reading.

Shaunna Harper Shaunna Harper
Recommendations: 35

Fuck...love this stanza, particularly the last line :)

Summer Breeze Summer Breeze
Recommendations: 19

check your spacing after 'i try to be', and after 'hearts'. i really like: I wish there was a happy time That lasts more than a day But all the people in the world Have turned their hearts away

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Warren Gates Warren Gates
Recommendations: 23

Riverside


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If you want things that way

Written, re-written and revised several times during the Spring of 2011.


Sitting by the riverside
Thinking of the days gone by
Lost in memories that hold my dreams
Gentle breezes touch my hair
Scent of Springtime fills  the air
A feather floating free is all I need to see 1 comment


I wish there was a happy time
That  lasts more than a day
But all the people in the world
Have turned their hearts away
I try to be so very brave
And wear my brightest smile
But anyone can see it’s dime store jewelry 1 comment


Sitting by the riverside
Clouds are tumbling through the sky
Yesterday still lingers in my eye
Passers-by don’t notice me
I’m as still as I can be
No one ever cares or wonders why
I wish there was a happy time
That lasts more than a day
But all the people in the world
Have turned their hearts  away
I try to be  so very brave
So no one sees the tears
But it seems that I have disappeared 1 comment



And so the river flows
To where the shadows grow
The moonlight shines so bright
But nothing seems to glow
I’ll wait forever more
Until  you find me here
And kiss the traces of  the tears that I will never show
Except to you
You are the only one who knows the truth
The only one who knows the lies
I try to be so very brave
But you’re the only one who knows the soul behind my eyes 1 comment


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