Michael Starr Michael Starr
Recommendations: 0

I haven't seen Star Trek. Should the kerning of street faring be changed? Is there a character that belongs in between the two components of that word other than white space? It looks awkward.

Michael Starr Michael Starr
Recommendations: 0

There's an unneeded period after let's.

Gary Smith Gary Smith
Recommendations: 5

The period after let's is just to show the comical, abrupt, exaggerated speaking of Captain Kirk that many comedians do when making fun of William Shatner's acting. I love Star Trek and Captain Kirk and I hope Mr. Shatner laughs at the exaggerated teasing of his acting skills. Street faring may be changed to street-faring. That may look better and be correct.

Hannah Myers Hannah Myers
Recommendations: 10

GREAT use of full stops / periods!

Michael Starr Michael Starr
Recommendations: 0

I agree. This paragraph is also nice in that it gives a sense of space and sort of gives the picture of where everything is in relationship to itself on the... what would it be called, captain's room? Navigation chamber?

Gary Smith Gary Smith
Recommendations: 5

Thanks for your comments. I've watched a lot of Star Trek and I see the whole crew and ship as I write this stuff. It helps to know the source material as much as you can when you write about it. I love this show and I hope to continue to make up more parody stories for these characters.

Michael Starr Michael Starr
Recommendations: 0

apostrophe in members could use a different grammatical symbol after head than a comma. The final no is dramatic at this point but sullen. Changing the grammatical symbol would change the voice to be more or less dramatic.

Michael Starr Michael Starr
Recommendations: 0

Also technically "head, no." is bad grammar.

Gary Smith Gary Smith
Recommendations: 5

I see what you mean about the apostrophe in members and the head, no. I'll fix those.

Michael Starr Michael Starr
Recommendations: 0

What's up with the unneeded periods?

Gary Smith Gary Smith
Recommendations: 5

The exaggerated, comical acting of Captain Kirk with the abrupt stopping and starting in his speech. I'l take a few periods out though and see if that helps the flow.

Michael Starr Michael Starr
Recommendations: 0

Was it shock music last time or shocked music? Unneeded periods. I like how you get Scotty's Irish accent down right. What determines when he says me and when he says my? Straightforward dialogue.

Gary Smith Gary Smith
Recommendations: 5

I always use 'me' when I write dialogue for Scotty. 'Wee' too, when I say 'wee bit'. It may be a little exaggerated but it's just me trying to be silly. This is just for fun.

Michael Starr Michael Starr
Recommendations: 0

Unneeded periods. Oh, I see... you're going up for that broken voice. Hmm, okay... What about double periods or triple periods? The "pause" grammatical (I forgot it's proper name). .. and ...? I think the ... is a longer pause than the .. but maybe that's an untrue preconceived notion? I think the .. would fit well. If you're going for simply the phonetic delivery that the sum of the current grammar would give, I'd say that... maybe this is actually right? Hmm.

Michael Starr Michael Starr
Recommendations: 0

Your use of single periods and non-capitalized next phrases, that is.

Michael Starr Michael Starr
Recommendations: 0

I'm really interested in seeing if there's a more grammatically correct way of doing it, though.

Gary Smith Gary Smith
Recommendations: 5

I see what you mean. Maybe the use of ellipsis' is the correct way to show the pauses. I'll try that from now on.

Michael Starr Michael Starr
Recommendations: 0

I always just skip the O's without bothering to take into account how long the scream is in actuality. Would changing the white space or spatial configuration of words in the paragraph here affect the reverberation of the scream? I think you'd like this suggestion.

Gary Smith Gary Smith
Recommendations: 5

The long O's is just a laughing joke to show Kirk losing it over what Scotty had done. It can be shortened though.

Michael Starr Michael Starr
Recommendations: 0

"you better" is improper grammar. Does Uhura usully speak like this?

Michael Starr Michael Starr
Recommendations: 0

Sort of turns into a manga here.

Michael Starr Michael Starr
Recommendations: 0

I was going to say that I like how this piece, like most literature I've ever read, leaves the spacing of the elements in the piece largely up to the reader. However, if it's a script, consider staging. At least, I think that's the term for things like "enters stage left", etc.

Gary Smith Gary Smith
Recommendations: 5

I wasn't exactly sure how to write this story. As a script or just a story to be read. I need to learn script spacing and staging like you suggest here to have this done correctly for what ever venue i choose to submit this, if I ever choose to do so. Thanks.

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Gary Smith Gary Smith
Recommendations: 5

Captain Kirks Private Stash. A "Lost" Star Trek Tale.


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Darkness

This was written after I saw another picture of a VERY over packed red mini  on Facebook asking to post comments in Star Trek's Scotty's voice. I added the rest of the fearless crew to my post. It felt right. Captain Kirk's dialogue is stunted with the sterotypical way that people say that he speaks. Have fun.


"Captain, we have a small street faring object appearing on our scanners." exclaims Mr. Chekov.
"On screen, let's. see what...?" Captain Kirk abruptly stops speaking. 3 comments


(Ominous, shocking music, here. There are shocked faces from the bridge crew. Lt. Uhura stands and removes her earpiece. Mr. Chekov and Mr. Sulu glance at each other then back at the monitor screen. Mr. Spock turns, puts his arms behind his back and offers a raised eyebrow.)

"Does...anyone know... what that is?" asked Captain Kirk. 3 comments


(More shocking music as the camera shows each bridge crew member's face. Silence from all as Spock raises both eyebrows, pouts his lips and shakes his head.) 3 comments


"All right...I'll ask... the ships... engineer then!" complains Kirk. "Mr. Scott, we have... a conundrum on screen. Can... you tell us... what... it is?" 2 comments


"Aye Captain. I shoud’a told ye b'fore." says Scotty.
"Told... me what, Scotty? Spit it out, man!" says Kirk.
"Well Captain, me other vehicle is a mini van and she carries all my extra possessions that d'nah fit'n'me room." answers Scotty.

(Shock music again, as the camera views stunned crew members on the bridge. Spock turns and raises and eyebrow at Lt. Uhura who shrugs and sits back down. Mr. Sulu and Mr. Chekov give a quick glance and grin at each other. Captain Kirk furrows his brow incredulously.)
  
"It's red like me ranking color uniform. Did ye notice?" explains Scotty.
"Ah, Mr. Scott. We do have... extra space...for a crewman's extra things... aboard this starship. You being... this ship's engineer... you should know that." explains Kirk.
"Well actually sir, that space is tak'n up by all me wine and private collectibles." explains Scotty. 2 comments


(Shocking music)
  
"Scotty... c'mon! How... could you... possibly have all that... space taken up?" cries Kirk.
"Well, sir. Ye will be upset but I got rid of all ye private movies, to make room fer'me stuff at our last stop." says a slightly nervous, Scotty. 4 comments


(The most shocking music, moving into a steady momentum of serious dread.)
  
"NOOOOOOOOOO, SCOTTYYYYY!!!" cries Kirk. "ALL STOP! Red alert! Screams Kirk. "Turn... this ship around...Mr. Sulu! Take us back... to our last... shore leave... planet! Spock, follow me! Uhura, you... have the bridge! BONES!" cries Kirk into his chair communicator.
"Yes, Captain." asks Doctor McCoy.
"Meet Spock...and myself... down in the engineering room! Bring medical supplies... to revive... dead men!" exclaims Kirk. 2 comments


"Why Captain, did someone die? Why wasn't I notified? I AM the ship's doctor for grimany's sake." demands McCoy.    
"That's enough... doctor... and yes, it's Scotty! Now don't... question me again, mister! Just do it!" yells Kirk as he and Spock enter the turbo lift.


(They leave a surprised and worried bridge crew. Lt. Uhura takes the Captains chair, while Mr. Sulu and Mr. Chekov stand with their mouths gaping open.)


"Scotty, you better get out of engineering NOW." radios Uhura.
"Captain what is it you're planning to do?" questions Spock.
"You're just... to stand... there and watch... you green blooded, Vulcan!" says Kirk. 1 comment


"Oh, so that's how it is?" "I never expected a comment about the color or my blood ever coming from you, Jim. The doctor, yes." Spock responds.
"Sorry...Mr. Spock." replies Kirk. "You need to realize... those movies have... all my conquests of every woman... that has ever... been on this ship. AND shore leave." says a disturbingly proud Kirk. "I need... my... movies."
"Scotty's going to DIE...again... and again... and again... and again... and again..." says a maniacal Kirk. 1 comment


(The camera shows a surprisingly shocked Spock and a shadowy sweaty, crazed Captain Kirk.
Now the music to end the show. After the credits the screen comes back on showing Spock and Kirk about to leave the turbo lift. Spock turns to Captain Kirk, puts a hand on Kirks trapezius muscle and asks him a question.)


"Every woman?" questions Spock with a slight grimace in his voice.


(Kirk looks a bit nervous as he looks at where Spock has placed his hand, then at Spock. He raises and eyebrow. Screen goes black.)


Tune in next week for the continuing exploits of the parody, Star Trek crew. 2 comments


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