Davide Castel Davide Castel
Recommendations: 39

Warren, would the first para. sound better if the first 2 lines were joined, and also the 3rd and 4th lines, making it a 4 line verse instead of 6? like this; 1) Sun goes down,I can’t see you 2)Night birds sing their tragic song 3) Wind blows cold; I shiver and pray 4)I don’t know where you’ve gone The rest reads well unless maybe in 2nd verse; Stars drip down the sky like tears?

Summer Breeze Summer Breeze
Recommendations: 19

are you addressing a different person in this stanza?

Warren Gates Warren Gates
Recommendations: 23

No, these words are all for the same person.

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Warren Gates Warren Gates
Recommendations: 23

The Genesis Chord


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I wrote this about a year ago, when someone really special to me was disappearing into emotional instability, then attempted suicide.


Sun goes down,I can’t see you
Night birds sing their tragic song
Wind blows cold; I shiver and pray
I don’t know where you’ve gone 1 comment


Restless shades wander tracks I’ve yet to tread
Leaving echoes in the gloom
Stars drip down the sky, like tears
Without you there is no moon


Shadows crash like avalanche
Dreams are out of tune
Hold me close and love me long
We will all be gone too soon 3 comments


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