Leonard a. Wronke Leonard a. Wronke
Recommendations: 23

the face up line is confusing ...are you saying hold onto your hand , fold your hand.... otherwise this is a great piece of writing..I can hear your fear and desperation throughout the piece about being alone in the dark. I will recommend this writing for it conveys deep emotion.

Aleena Afzal Aleena Afzal
Recommendations: 4

with hold hands looks wrong..I think you should rewrite it

Bill O. farmer Bill O. farmer
Recommendations: 14

"face up, holding hands, closed eyes." Sounds much better. Good. I like this.

Phynne Belle Phynne Belle
Recommendations: 3

Monor nit, third line down "let's" 'middle of the field"--good, but a tiny bit unwieldy suggestion:"face up, hands clasped" or "holding hands, face up"

Bill O. farmer Bill O. farmer
Recommendations: 14

"Of vows and bells, Guests and prayer Of blessings and ..." the word rice does not fit in and throws the poem off balance.

Richard Z. kruspe Richard Z. kruspe
Recommendations: 16

@All-this part was written for before i went blind i had plans to get married

Summer Breeze Summer Breeze
Recommendations: 19

that's what i thought of right away when i read it. i am sorry things changed for you.

Phynne Belle Phynne Belle
Recommendations: 3

Don't forget the apostrophes!:) Gorgeous imagery: "Run to the place of vows and bells"

Phynne Belle Phynne Belle
Recommendations: 3

third line down: omit

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Richard Z. kruspe Richard Z. kruspe
Recommendations: 16

Be Blind with Me


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Title: Be blind with me


Take my hand
Walk with me
Lets stop in the middle of the field
And lay down with me
Face up with hold hands
Closed eyes
Be blind with me… 4 comments


Lets run in our imagination
Don’t let go
Run and run to the place
Of vows and bells
And guest and prayer
Of blessings and rice 6 comments


Now please don’t stop
And open your eyes
For I don’t want to open mine
Stay here with me 1 comment


I don’t want to open my eyes
This darkness wont go away once my eyes are open
Hold my hand don’t let go
I don’t want to get lost
I have no one to walk me home


Hold me tight and hug me
Hold me tight and love me


Why must this end now?
Why can't I have you?
Why don’t you love me like this?
Why?


Please don’t leave me now…


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