Don Yarber Don Yarber
Recommendations: 42

Who is A'th'n? A character introduced earlier?

Leonard a. Wronke Leonard a. Wronke
Recommendations: 23

Don, re-read chapter 16, i tell you at the end who A'th'n is. A'th'n is Athene , A'th'n is her Primae name. if this is not clear than I am done with this.

Don Yarber Don Yarber
Recommendations: 42

O.K. I get it now. Athene has changed her name to A'th'n. The apostrophes in the name threw me.

Asma Ahsan Asma Ahsan
Recommendations: 31

The last line is not a quote so writing it without the quotes like this is not correct gramatically. You should rewrite it. (It is this reason that...) has to be corrected.

Leonard a. Wronke Leonard a. Wronke
Recommendations: 23

I could remove it totally since the narrative flows still without it.

Asma Ahsan Asma Ahsan
Recommendations: 31

When you write a play, you can switch tenses, but in a story, the narrative has to be in the same tense. The quoted matter can be in any tense. If you say, A'th'n said, " I remember from the ritual that all previous Primae incarnations' memories and experiences are retained in the Primae psyche as aids in knowledge and decisions that may be encountered. It is this reason that..." Then it's ok because it means she was interrupted.

Leonard a. Wronke Leonard a. Wronke
Recommendations: 23

That was what I thought I was attempting to convey. I see that it may be better to eliminate this partial phrase since it is halting the flow of the narrative.

Deborah Boydston Deborah Boydston
Recommendations: 45

Did I miss something or forget it? Does the captive from the "SCHEOL" have more than two hands since it appears that he is tearing his raiments and scrbbing his head at the same time?

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Leonard a. Wronke Leonard a. Wronke
Recommendations: 23

Under the Double Star- Chapter Seventeen

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And Fernando Makes Three -Part One Ira Furor Brevis Est

      Neith's shock at her sister's Primae transformation was short-lived.

     Neith had to secure Perra into a holding cell until it could be determined what
to do regarding her actions against the "VIRAGO".

     Also, there was the matter of the black, shimmering ship that was shadowing them. If
A'th'n was correct this ship would be attacking them within twenty minutes. 3 comments

     As they moved Perra into the passageway of the holding cell, a newly-signed crew
member approached Neith and informed her that her presence was, urgently, requested
upon the deck by Soru.

     "Thank you," Neith told the crew member, "I'll meet with Soru as soon as I've
properly secured my prisoner."

     As they approached the holding cell, A'th'n is distracted by a crew member. H'br'a's
interactive memories, living in A'th'n, cause her to recognize the person.

      A'th'n remembered from the ritual that all previous Primae incarnations' memories
and experiences are retained in the Primae psyche as aids in knowledge and decisions that
may be encountered. It is this reason that... 4 comments

      While Neith and Perra continued, A'th'n, momentarily, stopped to confer with
H'br'a through A'yd'a.

      A'yd'a replied, " The seven stan tall, feline, bipedal female of tailless,
powder blue fur with alternating long, green stripes and shorter white stripes,
tufted ears and a regal face with green, vertical eye slits is of the Leukan
race. Her four-toed pads are fitted with retractable, five-inch claws making
her a formidable warrior.

      It is rumored that the Leukans are powerful, psychic manipulators, with the
regenerational ability of thirteen lives. Also, they have the capability of transferring
and holding another's essence into themselves. This is, neither, confirmed or denied
since the Leukans are a secretive people.

      H'br'a states that when this particular female named F'lisa was found she was
asked to become a crew member about the time that H'br'a had acquired her next to
last tattoo. F'lisa was asked to do this because H'br'a knew that she would be
required to assist in the upcoming crisis."

      A'th'n finished coming out of this Primae communication as Neith and Perra
arrived at the holding cell door cloth.

      A'th'n caught up with them as Neith was speaking to the two guards outside of
the holding cell, "If this prisoner escapes again it will go very badly for the both of

     As Perra was, finally, secured with the cell, A'th'n turned to Neith and said, "Now that this Sapen, Perra, is secure, I must leave you to attend to another matter. I will join you on the deck after I am finished."

     Neith, affirmatively, gestured that she understands Ath'n's request.

     After A'th'n took her leave, it was a simple matter for Neith to continue topside
to learn about Soru's urgency.

     It took only a few moments for Neith to regain the main deck where she witnessed
a unique scene.

     One of the former male captives from the "SCHEOL" was standing in the midst
of a crowd of crew members. He was tearing at his raiments as he pushed his hands, in
scrubbing motion, against his head and shouted at the top of his lungs, "Beware, we,
the CHTHONIAN collective, are coming. Prepare for our arrival." 1 comment

      Neith spotted Soru standing off to the side of this tormented man as she nears the commotion.
      Neith noticed that Soru had her staff at the ready position.

     Soru turned her eyes towards Neith as Neith moved forward towards the man,
shouldering her way through the crowd.

     It is this gesture that galvanize the tortured man. He lunged forward towards
Neith. Neith attempted to draw forth her cutlass, in her own defense, but she is too

     Soru rammed her staff into the man's midsection then followed with a upswing under
his chin, dropping him to the deck.

     Neith looked down upon the prostrate man and asked, "What in the name of Dei caused

     Soru pointed to the stern, where the black, shimmering ship can be seen to be
much closer than estimated and replies, "No clue. It seemed to happen to this poor
man as that ship advanced toward us."

     A'th'n, slowly, moved along the passageway towards Paldor's cell. The immediacy
of the crisis would be confirmed as soon as she conferred with Paldor.

     The CHTHONIAN ship was not as it appeared. It had been the Primae conference
that had affirmed this fact as well as the means to deal with it.

     As A'th'n arrived at Paldor's cell, drawing back the door cloth to enter, Paldor
spoke, "Ulla, A'th'n. I see you have progressed from when we first met in that
pothouse. It seems long ago that a humble wain was being rescued."

     A'th'n replied, "Ulla, Paldor. Yes, it is beyond any notion that I could have
imagined. Now, as the Primae, I realize why you wouldn't allow me to see your face and
I understand." 1 comment

     Paldor said, "You know as well as I that which the crew of this ship is preparing
is not what it seems. Do you have any idea how to conclude what has been started?"

     "Yes, I do.I have enlisted the help of H'br'a through the transformation, and now
have the combined knowledge of all Primae. I will be asking for your help as well but I
need to complete my own plan."

     Paldor exclaimed, "Shall we enter my quarters to begin?

     A'th'n replied, "Yes, as swiftly as possible. The time is short."

     With that, they, both, passed through the door cloth.

     As the CHTHONIAN deception approached ever nearer the "VIRAGO" the
collective members sense that the trespasser, the almost destroyer of their essence is
aboard the ship.

     Soon would be the opportunity to avenge the near annihilation of their kind.

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