Davide Castel Davide Castel
Recommendations: 39

Should there be a (?) after 'that malady?'

Leonard a. Wronke Leonard a. Wronke
Recommendations: 23

It looks as if you are correct.I will fix it

Leonard a. Wronke Leonard a. Wronke
Recommendations: 23

Lucy, I wanted to thank you for taking the time to address my error in punctuation. I hope you will enjoy the next chapter.

Davide Castel Davide Castel
Recommendations: 39

Now I am being picky. 'If it hadn't have been for...' This is a mouthful, and have is used again twice in same sentence. My suggestion would be to delete the first 'have', but perhaps that is how you meant it to read?

Leonard a. Wronke Leonard a. Wronke
Recommendations: 23

No, Lucy , you are not being picky. I re-read this paragraph and you are correct. Will remove th first have.

Don Yarber Don Yarber
Recommendations: 42

Soru LOOKED in amazement.

Leonard a. Wronke Leonard a. Wronke
Recommendations: 23

I thought I had that wrong tense, thank you Don.

Leonard a. Wronke Leonard a. Wronke
Recommendations: 23

Wow, Don, either you did not find any more errors or you are only getting started. Either way, I will wait before I move on to next chapter.

Leonard a. Wronke Leonard a. Wronke
Recommendations: 23

Don, I am going to assume there is more you wish to do but I am going to make a copy of this chapter(I HAVE COPIES OF ALL OF THEM) that I can move on. If and when you deem it all right to say it is done then you can tell me.

Don Yarber Don Yarber
Recommendations: 42

Neith forgot momentarily about aiding the distressed man, turned her back on him and DREW her cutlass and held it at the ready.

Davide Castel Davide Castel
Recommendations: 39

'..man,swiftly' should be a space after comma and maybe delete next comma? Or did you mean for it to be used?

Leonard a. Wronke Leonard a. Wronke
Recommendations: 23

i meant the second comma since the sentence can read without swiftly as swiftly isa clarifier of the action.

Don Yarber Don Yarber
Recommendations: 42

...a multitude of hands and arms that KNOCK her staf aside so much that she does not have room to wield it.

Davide Castel Davide Castel
Recommendations: 39

Don writes 'staf' and you write 'staff'. What is the correct spelling?

Leonard a. Wronke Leonard a. Wronke
Recommendations: 23

staff...I just referenced at this very moment.

Leonard a. Wronke Leonard a. Wronke
Recommendations: 23

Don, since you have not wrtitten any more comments, does thst mean this is as good as it will get or are you too busy to comment more.

Don Yarber Don Yarber
Recommendations: 42

See my discussion, please.

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Leonard a. Wronke Leonard a. Wronke
Recommendations: 23

Under the Double Star-Chapter Eighteen


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And Fernando Makes Three -Part One Ira Furor Brevis Est

      While the CHTHONIAN deception descended upon the "VIRAGO", the
two cellmates, one Keth and the other Levian, reacted differently to their capture.


     The Keth, Akromas, easing his crippled right leg, sat upon the cell floor and
leaned his warrior staff against the nearest wall, thought about the deception that he
must pretend existed even though he knew it was false. Akromas unslung his rucksack
from his back, untied the cloth neck to inspect that its precious contents were still
undamaged then placed it alongside his staff for easy access.


     If it had not been his responsibility to guarantee that the events now unfolding
followed their pre-prescribed chronology, he would never have been a member of the
ill-fated "SCHEOL".


     Akromas' companion, the Levian, Idon, furiously paced back and forth upon the cell
floor, swinging his remaining two arms, agitatedly, in a pendulous motion.


     He kept thinking  about the promise that he had made that female captain. The one
about steering clear of the raider's life and being more a help than a hindrance upon
the sea "lanes". It was that promise that brought him the Keth and his present
situation.


     It was this reason that he spoke, "How can you just sit there as if nothing has
changed. One moment the sea is calm,then the chaos, after that I remember awakening
here."


     Akromas, not wishing to reveal what he knew about the deception, said, "What is
there to contemplate. We cannot change that which is. All answers will come in their
own time."


     Idon states, "You did not think it strange that as that black, shimmering ship
approached, my crew went down with that malady? I never saw my people affected like
that. One moment, we are preparing to engage the attacking ship, this ship, the next I
am rendered senseless. 3 comments


     When I awake upon my deck I find my crew struck down.


  - May Tur lead them to Elysium, where they rest in peace.-


     Then, darkness envelopes me again and I am here with you. It seems we,
two, are the only survivors.


     Now that I think about it, I regret saving your miserable skin when I came
upon your ship as it was being overwhelmed. If it hadn't been for a promise I
made, I might very well have just sailed by. 2 comments


     In retrospect, I think I shouldn't have aided you, for now I am the same
as you, a captive of the very same ship that was attacking you."


     Akromas, rubbing the ache out of his damaged limb, replied, "I am grateful
for that, I assure you.


     I never knew when I left that port in pursuit of another of my people,
whom I was ordered to find, that I would be a captive, sitting next to a
Levian and back within sight of the very island from which I had
started my quest."



     Neith began to aid the prostrate man, who had stopped his shouting,
when she heard a soft maundering.


     At first, it was barely above a whisper but continued, deafeningly,
through the vocal range until it became a cacaphony of noise.


     Louder and louder it grew until it surrounded her, Soru and the rest
of the ship.
    
    It was this volume that brought crew members, of which F'lisa was
included, to the main deck.


     Neith couldn't be sure but it sounded as if a multitude of voices
were speaking at once.


     For some reason that not any would know, this sound affected her
entire crew but left Neith, Soru and F'lisa unencumbered.


    The sound seemed to cause all who were touched by it to start
speaking gibberish.


    Soru looked, in amazement, as the sound intensified, causing her
to grasp her baton tighter and to assume her defense posture. 4 comments


    F'lisa reared up to her full height of seven stan and extended her
five inch claws in readiness for a clash.


    Neith forgot, momentarily, about aiding the distressed man, turned her back on him,
drew her cutlass and held it at the ready. 1 comment


    When the attack came, it was in a rush.


    The prone man, swiftly, sprung up to enclose Neith's chest with a
deathly grip. It was so sudden that Neith dropped her cutlass to have
it sound, noisily, upon the deck. 3 comments


    Neith had to exhale violently as her lungs were compressed.


    Soru turns at the sound ready to aid Neith.  Before she can commence
her assistance she is pulled from behind by a multitude of hands and arms
that knock her staff aside so much that she does not have room to wield it. 4 comments


    F'lisa, never an acknowledged member of the crew, commences to bring
her deadly claws into action, gutting two of her male attackers, before
she is overwhelmed and knocked to the deck, unconscious.


    Soru, attempts to bring her unarmed fighting skills into play, using
her hands and feet but the sheer numbers of attacks is more than she can
defend.


     Neith, not able to compensate for the lack of oxygen, starts to black out.


     Soon, the tide of the "possessed" crew against them is too much.


     Neith and Soru join F'lisa in oblivion.



     The CHTHONIAN collective continues the merciless, unrelenting assault
against the "VIRAGO" crew.


     Soon it is as it always is, the control of the crew's psyches are easy
to vanquish.


     The collective had learned that discipline of intellectual manipulation
is far easier and safer than physical combat.


     Most of these were just effortlessly influenced as had been the previous.
True, there were the few who were able to resist but even they are soon
controlled by violence.


     Soon all who fell under the psychic control would cease to be individuals
to become part of the CHTHONIAN mindset. Their physical shells discarded
until all that is left is their psychic cores.


     Hopefully, as the rest of the crew not yet controlled is subdued, the
collective would find the one that had violated them.


    It was only a matter of time until the Primae was brought before the
collective's wrath. 2 comments


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