Daniel Bird Daniel Bird
Recommendations: 47

" That was the theory – the reality was we bumped into things a lot. - " Since every home is different it would help the readers imagination if you were to give a small example of what those things were that she was bumping into a lot. Detail in any story gives your readers a sense of appearance, setting and atmosphere, aiding all those little things your readers 'need' to see in order for them to grasp the way a scene is laid out.

Daniel Bird Daniel Bird
Recommendations: 47

Nice detail with the clothes on the floor.

Daniel Bird Daniel Bird
Recommendations: 47

Excellent way to inject suspense! Well done!

Daniel Bird Daniel Bird
Recommendations: 47

I enjoy the way you instil fear in the heart of the reader! This actually made me scared! Lolz!

John Ramsbottom John Ramsbottom
Recommendations: 5

reading this after your other work I'm sure a psychologist would say you have issues about bangin on your door or people invading your privacy. As a piece of writing it has a general appeal of people wanting ME time away from 'intruder' I love your work Rebekah

Rebekah King Rebekah King
Recommendations: 21

I don't have any 'issues' thank you very much, I just enjoy writing horror.

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Rebekah King Rebekah King
Recommendations: 21

At Night - Part 1


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Darkness
No End to the Nothing
At Night - Part 2
At Night - Part 3
At Night: Kieran's Killing

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For Fools

The 1,000 word piece that turned into a series...


As soon as I arrived, I could sense that something was out of place. The room felt too cold, too quiet – almost like it hadn’t been lived in for days, weeks even. I looked around myself at the dark room, but I couldn’t see much. I fumbled around on the wall behind the front door, looking for the light switch as my friends filed in the room. David grumbled about the cold and told Maddy to shut the door. I was still fumbling – where was that switch?


“Brr,” Kieran complained, startling me. “It’s freezing out there.” 1 comment


“Not much warmer in here, though.” Maddy noted.


My fingers finally brushed over the light switch and I flicked it in relief, but nothing happened. I flicked it again, and again and then sighed aggravatedly.


“Power’s out.” I told them.


“Must have been that storm earlier.” David said. “I’m glad we were safe and sound in the pub when that hit.”


“I’d better go check the fuses.” I said, shuffling through the darkness. “Hey, has anyone got a light?”


Kieran pulled out his cigarette lighter and flipped it open; I could see his smug grin in the dim glow of the flame. I rolled my eyes.


“Not that kind of light, you idiot.” I sighed.


“Well, you didn’t say what kind of light.”


I wanted to throw something at him. Kieran could be so obnoxious at times. I looked at the others.


“I haven’t got anything.” David said.


“Me either.” Maddy threw in from the other side of the dark room.


“I think there’s a torch in my room.” I told them, looking around. “I’ll have to go and get it.”


“I’ll come with you.” Maddy bumped into me and I gasped in surprise.


“I think there might be another one in the kitchen. See if you can find that one.”


“Okay.”


“There should be a few more in the shed, guys.”


“Are you kidding,” David whined. “We have to go back out there?”


“Don’t be a baby.” I teased them.


“Hmph.” Kieran grumbled.


They hastily buttoned up their jackets once more, opened the door and shambled back out into the frosty night.


“I can’t see.” Maddy stated.


I took her hand. “Stay close.” I told her, feeling oddly on edge.


We made our way slowly through the darkness in what I thought was the right direction. I did live here after all, so I should know the place inside out. That was the theory – the reality was we bumped into things a lot. I banged my shin into a chair leg in the dining room and swore quietly. I knew Maddy would be giving me a disapproving look – she didn’t like swearing. 1 comment


I felt my way along the dining room wall, searching for the doorway to the kitchen. My hand brushed over another light switch and I tried that one too – nothing. Eventually, my hand slipped through the doorway and I nearly fell on my face. Luckily, Maddy caught me by the arm and helped me back up.


“Alright,” I whispered to her. “The kitchen’s through here. I think the torch is on one of the benches somewhere.”


“Okay.” She whispered back before proceeding through the doorway.


I continued through the dining room to the back hallway that led to the bedrooms. I put my arms out to my sides and ran my hands along the walls of the narrow corridor, feeling my way down. I put my feet carefully forward with each step, assessing the floor immediately in front of me for fear of hitting my leg again, or something else.


My path was clear up to my bedroom door. I felt my way along the door down to the handle and turned it slowly, trying not to make too much noise. I wasn’t sure why I was trying to be quiet at the time; it wasn’t like there was anyone else there. But I was feeling edgy and the low decibels of my movements made me feel strangely secure.


I pushed the door slowly open, knowing it would creak as it always did, damn old houses. The door swung open with a minimum of fuss, though, and I thanked my lucky stars. Then it banged against the wall with a noise that was louder than I would have liked. I bit my lip and listened, expecting there to be some kind of reaction to the sound. There wasn’t, and I told myself I was being silly, and walked into my room.


It was as dark in there as the rest of the house – I couldn’t see anything. I fumbled my way along the carpet, feeling for furniture and other obstructions that were likely to halt my progress. My clothes were all over the floor, threatening to tangle my feet and trip me over. Finally, I reached the wardrobe where I knew the torch was hiding. I opened one of the doors and reached into the empty space, my fingers grabbing for the object and eventually curling around it. 1 comment


I picked it up and pushed the button. The light was dim, but it worked. Then I heard the most unnatural sound – a guttural growling noise that had me shaking and breaking out in a cold sweat instantly. I gasped and dropped the torch and it landed on the carpet with a dull thud. Then I heard something else; the shuffling sound of feet on carpet heading in my direction. 1 comment


I started to panic. My head screamed at me to hide. I jumped into my wardrobe as quickly and quietly as I could and shut the door. I sat panting in the darkness as the sound came closer and into the room. I controlled my breathing so it was nothing but a whisper as whatever it was searched my room. Then I heard a sound that sent chills down my spine – blood-curdling screams of pain. David and Kieran. The thing shuffled up to the wardrobe and bashed loudly on the doors. I screamed. 3 comments


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