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Rebekah King Rebekah King
Recommendations: 21

No End to the Nothing

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At Night - Part 1
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It’s been a long time, here in this room, surrounded by the darkness that consumes me. It swallows me whole and digests me slowly, leaving me to waste away. But I don’t mind – it’s comfortable here, in the dark. I don’t like the sun; it’s too bright. The light invades my space. My space is all I have now – it’s the only comfort I know.

I was told once that life is like a tree. All you need is some time, the right amounts of sunshine and rain, and that whispering voice, guiding you in the right direction. My tree has been growing twisted for a long time now. The sun has moved behind the never ending stream of clouds and the rain thunders against the bark, wetting my tree to the core and leaving it with root rot.

But who can I talk to? My parents don’t understand. How could they? They don’t see; they’re too blinded by the light. They spend too much time in the sun. They’ll get skin cancer. They tell me to come out of my room. Why can’t they come in here, and spend some time in the rain. The gloom would do them good. Maybe they would see. I don’t want to go outside – I don’t want to get skin cancer. 3 comments

I hate this feeling. This feeling that everything is useless and that I can’t do anything right, and there’s nothing I can do to change it. But at the same time, it’s comforting. At least it’s something I can understand. At least it’s not unknown. I don’t like the unknown, and being made to do things I’ve never done. They call it ‘stepping out of your comfort zone.’ At least they’re not wrong about that.

I know I’m not the only one who’s ever felt this way – they tell me so all the time. My parents, and my teachers, and my friends. I don’t listen; forget them, I don’t need them. What do they know? How can they know what I’m feeling? They’re just voices in my head – nagging, trying to force a response out of me. But I don’t have one for them; they can go ahead and be disappointed.

I wonder if anyone out there truly understands this feeling. Like you’re falling through a bottomless pit, and the darkness is so absolute that you can’t see two feet in front of you. You can’t see your future, you can’t see your past – there’s only the present. Like time has passed you by, and there’s nothing you can do about it. There’s only now and there’s nothing to look forward to. There’s just nothing anymore.

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