Don Yarber Don Yarber
Recommendations: 42

I'm not sure one can sweat Harshly. And corn does not grow on a vine.

Daniel Bird Daniel Bird
Recommendations: 47

Replace the word 'vine' with 'stalk.'

Don Yarber Don Yarber
Recommendations: 42

"woman" women means there were many women in the field.

Daniel Bird Daniel Bird
Recommendations: 47

" - Gilanda couldn't believe the innumerable amount of rows there were in the corn field. - " This sentence would flow smoother without the word 'innumerable' which only serves as a kind of a speed bump disrupting the natural flow. Without it we naturally get the image that there's a lot of work to be done.

Daniel Bird Daniel Bird
Recommendations: 47

" - The owner who was: Bill... - " the (colon) : is not used properly in this sentence. Instead you might just say " - Bill, the owner... - " That would work just fine.

Daniel Bird Daniel Bird
Recommendations: 47

This is a good strong telling sentence.

Don Yarber Don Yarber
Recommendations: 42

I'm sure that Bill's hands did not consist of corn glucose. They consist of flesh and bone. They may have been covered with corn sugar or sap, but probably not glucose.

Don Yarber Don Yarber
Recommendations: 42

This was a horrific moment of brutality for Gilanda. Here lie a horrific moment doesn't mean anything.

Don Yarber Don Yarber
Recommendations: 42

Bill said (rather than replied) Replied infers that he is answering something immediate. The action of the slap stops the immediate reply.

Don Yarber Don Yarber
Recommendations: 42

The ugly red mark of Bill's hand imprint was clearly visible on Gilanda's face.

Don Yarber Don Yarber
Recommendations: 42

Corn doesn't have skins, it has shucks (or husks). Incarcerated isn't the proper word here, that means "locked up" punished would be a better word.

Don Yarber Don Yarber
Recommendations: 42

What is a major outgrowth? And why "honestly" should Bill suffer it?

Don Yarber Don Yarber
Recommendations: 42

Grenades do not tick-tock. Time bombs do. Bill stood in silent shock, like a ticking time bomb ready to explode.

Don Yarber Don Yarber
Recommendations: 42

Again, corn doesn't have skin. Bill's face was as red as a ripe tomato, and the look he gave her was one of hatred.

Don Yarber Don Yarber
Recommendations: 42

cornfields are not "generally" mushy. If there are extreme rains, the fields could get a bit muddy, but mushy is not the right word to use here. This story needs an ending. You have expressed some rebellion on Gilanda's part, Retribution on Bill's part, but to leave it with Bill chasing Gilanda down the cornfield and disappearing into the horizon, is "too easy". Maybe as Bill chased Gilanda, a shot from a gun rang out and Bill fell forward with a bullet hole in his head. Gilanda's long absent husband has returned and is going to free his wife from slavery. (You would have to tell the story of her husband's runaway earlier in the story). All in all, not bad, but needs some work.

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Alex Irizarry Alex Irizarry
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Slave on the Corn Field


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She had a friend.

One by one, the women had been picking out the corn in the hostile sun, almost melting her like ice. She was sweating harshly, praying silently for the day to go quicker. She stood kneeling down pulling the corn with unyielding force off the weak vine. 3 comments


Gilanda couldn’t believe the innumerable amount of rows there were in the corn field. For a distance she could see her footsteps with deep, prominent pressings. 1 comment


“Oh my god” cried Gilanda


“I wasn’t be handlin’ nother day in this immense heat!” cried Gilanda


This corn field extended for miles.


Gilanda was really instantaneous at picking out the best corn in hurriedly action, almost as if society were about to end.


“Oh my Lord” said Gilanda, who’s feet were slowly submerging into the damp wet ground.


From a far Gilanda’s owner yelled out: “Move faster!”


Gilanda looked at the man with repugnance, hoping for him to silent.


Gilanda’s owner and Gilanda didn’t have an ethical relationship, as for the owner used to constantly remonstrate about how of a horrible job she had done, and that she was useless.


Gilanda overlooked for the person who she was, all she cared about was the money.



Gilanda was paid a penny an hour. This amount of money wasn’t enough money to put food on the table.


The owner who was: Bill was upset at the fact that she turned around ignoring and neglecting what he was saying. 1 comment


From a distance, Gilanda could hear the vigorous of Bill’s footsteps walking in the mushy, damp ground, ready to show a piece of his mind to Gilanda.



Gilanda was scuttling along the field from left to right.


Gilanda had the gut feeling that she was about to be smacked for her unnecessary act. 1 comment


Bill said: “Come over here”


Gilanda said: “No”


Bill replied by saying, “What in the world, you said to me?”


Gilanda who was sobbing softly repeated what she just said.


Although she wasn’t supposed to say anything, she voiced her sentiment and beliefs.


Bill had hurriedly approached her, ready to smack her with his grimy hands that consisted of corn-glucose. 1 comment


Just then, the smack across her face had happened.


Here lie a horrific moment. 2 comments


Bill replied by saying, see what you get for being Mrs. Smart mouth” Gilanda’s face was red, with clear visibility; you could see the repulsive mark of Bill’s hand imprinted on her. 2 comments


Gilanda’s face read many expressions from exasperation, to grieve, and dismay.


Bill yelled out to her: “Get the hell off my corn field, you no-good idiot.


Gilanda had a basket full of the corn skins, so she threw it directly into Bill’s face, almost like Bill was incarcerated for his bad doing. 1 comment


Honestly, Bill should have to suffer the major outgrowth. 1 comment


Here stood Bill with shock, ready to explode like a tic-tocking grenade. 1 comment


He was sooo angry!


Pieces of corn-skin were caught up in Bill’s hair, and his face was so stern, red as a ripe tomato. 1 comment


Bill chased Gilanda down the mushy corn field ground and disappeared into the horizon. 1 comment


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