Mike Marble Mike Marble
Recommendations: 1

I wonder if in the line, "Lots of dirt and grime", it would flow better with "So much dirt and grime". It does in my own head, anyway. Everything else is spot on.

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Krystabel Harris Krystabel Harris
Recommendations: 8

Unforgiving


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Only inspiration behind this was that it was raining.. and I was feeling bleh.. and.. well.. it came out a lot darker and more depressed than I thought it would.. Apologies for the fact that it's not divided into stanzas for comments, it would ruin the feeling of the poem if it were =)


Shivering, cold.. why so cold..
Wet, rain.. dripping down my body..
When the rain came, I got caught -
No shelter.. no dry place,
Can't get back to where I belong,
Because - I don't belong anymore.
Clothes.. clinging to me..
Blind.. can't see past the waterfall
Cascading down my face..
Hair in my eyes..
Hands too heavy to wipe it away..
Fingers too frozen to rub
Warmth into my limbs..
Standing under a leafless tree..
Sharp branches in my side..
Rough bark at my back..
The wind is cruel.. unfriendly..
Cutting through the fabric..
Practically nonexistent saturated cloth..
Hand throbbing - look down..
Blood trailing down my fingers..
Don't remember what happened..
Lots of dirt and grime..
Can't clean it.. no desire to..
Infection seems unimportant
When you feel like you're being
Cut through.. with white hot knives and needles..
Nothing is clear..
The world blurs.. blink..
Is it just me, or is it getting darker..
Maybe night is coming on..
Lost track of time..
Should sleep.. if it's night..
Tired.. will sleep..
Slide down.. bark bites and rips..
Leaning against the unforgiving wood..
The world goes black as I close my eyes.. 1 comment


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