Shaunna Harper Shaunna Harper
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Oh God this made me laugh!!

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Allen Clarke Allen Clarke
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Billy Shakes the Spear : A Likely Story- A One Act Play

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What if..what if the whole world( well, at least, on the Indian reservation) and the people there woke up one day, only to discover that everyone was speaking Olde English, in the the Elizabethean vein. This writing is not to be taken seriously, and,is, by and large, experimental.

Act One:   Billy Shakes-the-Spear: An Unlikely Tale

   The sun doth rise upon yon native parcel of impoverished land where the peasants feed on their daily rations of humble pie. Their cottages lie in desperate need of repair as they live on the constant edge of starvation and want of every other sort describeable.

Scene One : Act One: In the protagonist`s humble abode.

Bill : Hark! What the helleth dost I speaketh in such a knavely manner? 1 comment

Bertha: Dost thou not also see that I speaketh in the same swank manner as dost thou?

Bill : A proper physician dost I do well to seek forthwith.

Bertha : Nay, tis but Saturn`s Day, the day the physician doth go snagging for elusive pickerel!

Bill : Alas! Tis but the truth that thou speakest from thy beautiful scarlet red lips, my sweet of sweets!

Bertha : Yea, thou dost speak with ooze of syrup charm, but, nay, say on whilst I ponder on this nightmarish day. Oh, how I doth long to speak in Cree once more.( Sobs

Bill : My, dear,dost thou have any of the bannock and fried stag of late last night`s repast?

Bertha : Is this but a dream that I suppose to be the reason of day? Or doth the madness of this, the 2000`s assaileth my mind to make me feel the pinch of the touched? Pray tell, William?

Bill : I do not know of the reason why the nature of our strange discourse doth melt my heart with sobering malady.

  Of a sudden, the phone on the wall rings hollowly. Bertha leaps for the phone, as does, her heart of hearts. With stuttered tongue and trembling voice, she graspeth desperately at thee cordless and, hence; speaketh to the outside world.

Bertha : Greetings,and pray tell, dost thou speak as friend or foe?

On the other end, a small quivering voice whispers.

Bubba : Is that thou, Gramma?

Bertha : Oh tis but outrageous misfortune that ye too are afflicted with the slings and arrows of this shrouded mystery of errent language! Quickly, send for the physician to end this stark imbalance of foolish ponderance!

Bubba: this..thing which happeneth to us?

Bertha : Tis but only by the innocent that we may hope to regain our balanced nature once more. Quickly, get thy younger sister and bid her to come and speak to us of our lost tongues of virtue.

Bill : Yes,.. yes, that is the true antidote of which thou speakest which may disentangle us from this infernal web of lunatic frenzy! If I may but touch its`heavenly liquid balm into my lips of dire affliction. I shall be free to be Cree once more.

Bubba : O.K. holdeth on as the eagle grasps its`talons on the crag, sure and strong. Hold fast and I shall return in quicksilver time with the sweet babe of thy dreams. To be sure I cannot persuade my ears to believe this strange language which oozeth from these my own jaded lips.

Presently, within the hour as the sun strikes midday place on sundial shadow,Bubba appears at the door of their forlorn cottage. Beside her, stands the youngest, and certainly fairest of the virgins. She, Veronica, by name is the very embodiment of consummate virtue. An angelic smile is forever present on her precious moonbeamed visage. She stands ready to pray.

Veronica : What`s wrong, Grandma? Grampa, why are you talking funny? Geez you, you alleez worry about dumb things that can`t hurt you.

Bertha : Pray, babe.

Veronica : Come here, you dummies! Baby will pray for you!

And with that simple, but precious salutation, the precious babe anoints the head of her grandparents and sister and prays. Momentarily, their prescence of mind and language is restored.

  Enter stage right; Happiness and harmony hand in hand. All is at perfect peace. The Cree language abounds,as the family sits at the table; happily enjoying their hearty meal of bannock and neckbones. The curtain falls and ushers out all remaining vestige of hurtful memory. Bubbling laughter vanquishes dark shadows away forever.

( Somewhere off to the extreme left wing of yon darkened stage, a lone mousey voice is heard to whisper...`Yeah, right!`` A soft wood-chuck-like chuckle faintly echoes as the curtain falls quietly over the happy domestic scene.)

                                     THE END :)

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