Daniel Sintos Daniel Sintos
Recommendations: 16

Change "their tomorrows" to "tomorrow". That way, it fits with the paring of "their ____ and their ___" followed by "of _____ and ____". Seems more poetic that way, in my opinion.

Davide Castel Davide Castel
Recommendations: 39

I only included the 'their' after a re-read. I might put 'of' instead then see how that reads.

Don Yarber Don Yarber
Recommendations: 42

Hi Lucy: Consider this: Here at this place called ScribeSlice, We share our joy and sorrow, We joined to read and write Of yesteryear and tomorrow. We come from here and yon all places in this old world To form a lasting kinship With dreams, like flags, unfurled. Our cultures seem at times to fail, To deliver best in times of need. Some give scant time and thus fail, In things required to succeed. Some will stay and persevere, Others will not hear the call, But to those whom we hold dear, We'll share our comments, one and all.

Leslie Blackwell Leslie Blackwell
Recommendations: 21

What happens to the poem when Janet wants to sign up with Scribe Slice. "The river was deep but I swam it, Janet The future is ours so let's plan it, Janet So please don't tell me to can it, Janet I've one thing to say and that's Dammit, Janet, I love you... The road was long but i ran it, Janet There's a fire in my heart and you fan it, Janet If there's one fool for you then I am it, Janet Now I've one thing to say and that's Dammit, Janet, I love you"

Davide Castel Davide Castel
Recommendations: 39

That would be telling wouldn't it? But back then, there was no Janet. You are too funny Leslie.

Deborah Boydston Deborah Boydston
Recommendations: 45

lol yes you are funny Leslie.

Aleena Afzal Aleena Afzal
Recommendations: 4

i think in the last line it should be too instead of to..

Davide Castel Davide Castel
Recommendations: 39

No. I intended it to be 'to' but forgot to put in a comma, which I will now do. Thanks for pointing it out.

Leslie Blackwell Leslie Blackwell
Recommendations: 21

also would be better than too.

Davide Castel Davide Castel
Recommendations: 39

Thanks Daniel...have changed it.

Leslie Blackwell Leslie Blackwell
Recommendations: 21

in things required to succeed could also be replaces with lacking committment to succeed but that is just my own opinion.

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Davide Castel Davide Castel
Recommendations: 39

ScribeSlice


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I woke up thinking of ScribeSlice, so here is a short poem.  I would really like others to do their version too, and please, any suggestions on the wording of this piece is very acceptable!


There is a site called ScribeSlice
Where people join to read and write
They share their joys and their sorrows
Of yesteryear and of tomorrow. 3 comments


They come from across this large planet
Strange how no one yet is called Janet
Some form a bondlike lasting kinship
While others will give a bit then quit. 3 comments


Our different cultures at times derail
They give scant time and so they fail
To deliver their best in times of need
This is also required, to then succeed. 4 comments


Some of us will persevere to deliver
Others will try but then they quiver
This site is not one to please them all
But just for those who have the call. 1 comment


              -----
Now here is Don's more improved Version of this poem.

Here at this place called ScribeSlice,
We share our joy and sorrow,
We joined to read and write
Of yesteryear and tomorrow.


We come from here and yon
all places in this old world
To form a lasting kinship
With dreams, like flags, unfurled.

Our cultures seem at times to fail,
To deliver best in times of need.
Some give scant time and thus fail,
In things required to succeed. 1 comment


Some will stay and persevere,
Others will not hear the call,
But to those whom we hold dear,
We'll share our comments, one and all.


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