Leslie Blackwell Leslie Blackwell
Recommendations: 21

"...never resented {anyone} this much..."

Leslie Blackwell Leslie Blackwell
Recommendations: 21

Some of these sentences could be simplified. "now holds a gun to his forehead. The hot" "The hot barrel burns his flesh" "into the gravel {on} the roof." "The Red pools expand as time passes and John" "No one can now save him from this crazed woman."

Leslie Blackwell Leslie Blackwell
Recommendations: 21

Try to keep to the present tense as this is how you started the story. "true fear sets in." "hair flows" "Moon casts" "victims stain the expensive fabric" "she holds" "most of which have been" That sort of thing.

Leslie Blackwell Leslie Blackwell
Recommendations: 21

"realizes" "His eyes turn to the dead man and he tries to counts the bullet holes but the blood has blended and it is difficult to judge an exact amount. He thinks there are three holes but there is a chance there could be more. However he has no other choice than to take a chance."

Leslie Blackwell Leslie Blackwell
Recommendations: 21

"She stares at him and speaks softly." "he asks" "she suddenly pulls the metal trigger" "which propels?" "penetrating his brain and killing him."

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Jordan Hewitt Jordan Hewitt
Recommendations: 13

The Beginning of the End


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She had a friend.

Possibly the beginning of a new little seris I might start up.


He’s never resented someone this much in his life. This girl whom he once loved has destroyed his heart. He’s been sent into a dark abyss of confusion and pain all by a single girl. Her actions have left him to a point of no return and he now is at her mercy. 1 comment


This heartless woman now holds a gun, pressed against his forehead. The hot barrel sizzling as it burns into his flesh. The two dead men lay behind her, their limp corpses leaking blood into the gravel of the roof. Holes in their chest act like open flood gates, releasing their life into the open world. The pools of red are expanding greatly and as time passes John realizes the men are dead. No one can save him from this crazed woman now. 1 comment


Perhaps he can talk his way out of this mess. “Maria, I’m sorry things ha-“ she cuts him off there. “One more word and you won’t survive” she spills out in a slightly sweet yet hoarse voice. At this John swallows the rest of the sentence and true fear begins to set in. This young woman stands in front of him, holding his life in her hands. There seemed to be no escape, only her mercy could keep him alive.
Her long brown hair flowed in the light summer breeze. The moon cast faint light upon her flawless face and her red lips glistened. The red dress she wore was slightly damaged and the blood of other victims stained into the expensive fabric. The pistol she held against John’s head was a Makorov, the clip containing eight shots, most of which were fired into the security guards behind her. 1 comment


Suddenly John realized that she may have fired all of her rounds. Quickly his eyes searched to count the holes in the dead men. Four were easily visible in one of the bodies but the other was difficult to see in night light. The growing amount of blood has blended together the holes and he thought he counted three. However there was the possibility of a fourth but he wasn’t for sure. But he must take the chance. 1 comment


Now with a smirk on her face she looked at him, and quietly spoke. He couldn’t understand what she was saying, his ears still ringing from the gun shots. “What?” he asked. Suddenly she pulled the metal trigger, creating the explosion within the chamber which sent the 18mm bullet into his skull, penetrating into his brain and killing him. 1 comment


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