Shaunna Harper Shaunna Harper
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Probably should be whenever, without the space :)

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Allen Clarke Allen Clarke
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Nose Hairs


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I hope you don`t think I lost it. Funny things happen to my brain, when I get bored. I wrote this at 5:30 in the morning. I`m quite certain there wasn`t a full moon. Do you have a rant you want to share? Oh, go ahead. You have my permission!


Anyone who knows me or thinks they do, knows that I hate nose hairs! I huff like an


enraged bull whenever I think about them. They are the bane of my existence. At this 1 comment


writing, I am attempting to rid myself of those cursed, unwanted hairs. I have seen the


source of all of Mankind`s troubles and woes, and they are nose hairs. Is it possible 1 comment


that wars have been waged over nose hairs? And, certainly, why not, one may ask. It


seems that nose hairs have a mind of their own. You, see, when one goes to snip them,


they sneakily lay flat so they cannot be rid of.


   They tickle and cause me to sneeze to no end. Are they nuisance enough to send me to


the mental ward? Hmm, what a compelling question. I propose then, that full scale


studies should be conducted on how to best deal with this very real problem. The


government has a responsibility to spend, spend, spend, to get to the ...root of the


problem. Don`t you agree? Nose hair has no respect for Mankind or Womankind. They regard


not pedigree nor do they regard wealth or social status. Dare I say that the Queen of
  
England might have have one or two, as we speak?


   Down through the ages, nose hairs have grown with wild abandon! Why, there is no


doubt, in my pea-brain that our earliest ancestors had difficulties with unwanted nasal


fuzz! It is not difficult to imagine that Java Man might have had a veritable bush( a


moustache) growing out of his nose. Of, course, back then, they did not have the


technology to get rid of nose hairs. So, how might they have tried? Pull them out? One


hair at a time? Oh, perish the thought of such an excruciating proposition!


   The buzz of my Con-Air reverberates in my ears as I labour incessantly to rid myself


of my enemy nose hairs. What about the itch they give out? Can one so easily reach into


one`s nose to scratch that``hidden ìtch?``And, why, for heaven`s sakes were we given


nose hairs. Scientists are baffled by the unnecessariness of the fuzzy stuff. Some have


tried to explain it away as Nature`s way of preventing foreign material from flying into


our brains. Ah, yes, the forest within grows, indeed, at an alarming rate. Oh, what a


dastardly sight would be revealed through time-lapse photography! The problem, would be


as to how one might be able to stick a video-cam inside the nose.


   So, what is the trick involved in foiling the insidious growth? Cut once, harvest in


two days? How should one approach it? Do you think me crazed for writing on such an


oddball topic? I certainly do! It may be I`m running out of inspiration. NOT!! I`m just


pulling your leg. Still, I feel it is a topic worthy of consideration.


   Oh, where was I now? Oh, yes, those despicable nose hairs! Oh, how enraging they are


as they try to crowd their way into my already busy life. I have people to do and places


to meet. What unnecessary strife they generate in the life of my body! Whatever can I do


to liberate myself of such a natural phenomenon? I wonder if David Suzuki might have the


inside track on this one? What about permanent hair remover? I`ve thought about it


actually. A man may eventually lose all his hair, but the stubborn nose hair is


immortal! My hand is cramping, as I write this rant. See how nose hair has taken over my


life? `Truly, I am being held at seige by nose hairs! Oh, why, oh, why, can`t I write


about something more engaging like hemmorhoids? My name ought to be Harry!


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