Shaunna Harper Shaunna Harper
Recommendations: 35

I would change the 'cos' to 'because' personally, because up til then the piece was written with sophistication, the use of language very elaborate, and then the abbreviation there kinda stunts in a little :)

Jordan Newman Jordan Newman
Recommendations: 15

tbh i use the word cos because i like old english :$ haha but thanks i shall consider that for future pieces

Please login or signup to add a comment to this paragraph.


Add comment   Close
Jordan Newman Jordan Newman
Recommendations: 15

i cried when i found out only liars write books.


Share this writing


Link to this writing



Start Writing

More from Jordan Newman

i see angels above me, i see demons below me, fighting over heaven.
i loved her more when i was sober.
i don't want a second chance.
love starts with that of a flickerin' cigarette
i swear i could feel your love before i knew your name.

More Poetry

Deborah Boydston Deborah Boydston
Recommendations: 45
Murder in the Senseless
Leoni Carlson Leoni Carlson
Recommendations: 12
Expressivity
Aaron Greene Aaron Greene
Recommendations: 30
Author's Clog
Leonard a. Wronke Leonard a. Wronke
Recommendations: 23
JUST BECAUSE
Kitchera Hicks Kitchera Hicks
Recommendations: 11
soul mates

heh


now that the secret to my trick is visible for all to see
i hope it'll become much easier to again face my mirror;
and much more difficult to vanish into smoke like before.
ever war must end so why would mine not follow the rule?
oh my! how embarrassingly foolish when i did discover
that it is quite possible to reverse my soul's atrophy.
how stupid i am to have been caught in a quarrel so simple
to not see the reason for my sorrow is just a damn circle;
the trinity of mortal's reality: yesterday, today & tomorrow.
always tomorrow feels like yesterday all because i'm unaware
that today is only the consequences of my complete inability
to just let go of longing for salvation; cos it's quite clear
that until i can love myself for me as is today, it's impossible
for me to ever awake as a better me, to progress into the future.
the fact it's taken me so long to see the picture hidden right there
in plain view leaves me wondering how many of my other theory's are err.
now that within my soul, the angels have lost every battle, all i hear
is quiet so loud i'd swear i was deaf but i still hear a demon snore.
finally i am free to wander about my mind full of so much fear
for what i may find, what damage i will discover in my war torn soul. 2 comments


Link to this writing

Share this writing


Jordan Newman's website: http://novelled.com/book_overview.php?b_id=55

Next: Midnight Dance