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Allen Clarke Allen Clarke
Recommendations: 18

Samsquatch


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She had a friend.

This is a tongue in cheek effort( obviously). This is also part of what inspired my piece on Nose Hairs. I write stupid things when I start scraping the bottom of my rumoured creativity.


The First and the Last Chapter


     Hi, eh?. I`m recording this on my I-Pad,eh?. You`ll never wanna believe it, but I


have been abducted by a genuine Saskquatch. This particular (wannabe) hairy gentleman,


happens to hail (or wail) from Saskatchewan. One might even say that he is a...


Saskatchewanian Saskquatch.( My apologies to all gentlemanly Saskatchewanians). Well, at


least I think he`s a he. One just never knows nowadays, doesn`t one? Anyway,upon my rude


awakening,(in his den of iniquity). He claims he captured me yesterday on


the pretence of doing an interview with him. He did so, in order,to reveal to the world,


vicious rumours about him are all contrived lies! He told me so with tears flowing down


his hairy face. Yes, I was quite surprised that Sam has a sensitive side.


Apparently,he heard through the local Sasquatch Gentleman`s Club and the


grapevine, that a newspaper reporter(moi) was vacationing in his neck of the


woods. So, with his infra-red gizmos, and sound amplifying technology,(after


an all night vigil)YAWN! he picked up on my insidious rasp of horrendous


snoring in the woods!


     His name is Sam and he loves to sing. In fact, he kept asking me of the


possibility of getting him on American Idol. Hmm, well, I really had to


think long and hard on that one. Well, animal rights being what they are, right? This


guy (or gal) is really vain! As we`re going through the interview, he(or she) is running


a moose antler through his hair. And, as he(or she) is expounding on his many ,manly


exploits in the wilderness, he is snacking and a-crunchin` on his nits. And, just out of


curiousity, I asks him about that famous video of him walking through the meadow. And,


quite nonchalantly, he says ``Ah, that was just my cousin, Harry, over in B.C...Show-


off!!`` Well, here goes nuttin`,.. I mean the substance of the interview:


     Me: Well, it appears that you do exist. So....Sam, tell us a little bit about yourself.``


     Sam: Well, now,let me see. Oh, yeah, it all started out in a little cave, back up in those hills up there a ways.


Me : I understand that the purpose of this interview is to reveal to the world that
     you are not really the hairy, smelly animal that people surmise you to be?


  He : (or It, depending on which way you approach it):..Hey, watch your language, buddy!


  Me : Sorry. So what is it that you`d like your audience to know about you?


  He : That I`m really an easy-going guy at heart.


  Me : Just for your information, this will be broadcast to all the major newstations in North America.


  He : I suppose you want to start with my feeding habits?


  Me : Yeah, I suppose we can start there. There is a rumour that you are indeed a vegetarian. Is that little tid-bit of information correct?


  He : Not really, actually, I like my red meat just as much as the next guy. Mmm..mm. Say, that`s a tasty looking buttocks you have there.(With mouth salivating uncontrollably)


  Me : Actually...I..I...I..have been....kinda...sickly ...lately. The doc mentioned that there might be a p..p.p..p...ossi...b..b..bbb..ility of Aids.


  He : Well, no problem...I`m so hungry I could eat the ass end of a dead skunk!


  Me : Hey...what..ya doin? Leggo a` my leg! AAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaAAaaaaAAAAA!!!!!!!!..:O!!
Noooooooooooo...oooooooooooooo...!!!!!!!



       I told you it was going to be a short story!



                           THE  END


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