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Benjamin Crosby Benjamin Crosby
Recommendations: 12

Ballad of the Chattering Teeth


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Here's how the joke started:  I was cold, e-mailing someone and titled it Ballad of the Chattering Teeth; because I was freezing and it was a funny title.  The person e-mailed back joking how they were disappointed, they thought they were getting a story.  So an hour later I'd written this and sent it to 'em.  It's goofy, but then so am I.  :-)


Amid a cluttered room of dusty, forgotten toys,
These mechanized fossils of abandoned joys,
A pair of chattering teeth sits upon a shelf
Locked in a smile quietly kept unto itself.


Those big, yellow teeth once so pearly white
Look hungry, as if they wish to take a bite!
Its red-ruby mouth, opened wide like a shark’s,
Are scuffed and worn from countless bite marks.


Suddenly an adult storms through the door,
Swearing and kicking the toys across the floor.
“What a mess!  An absolute mess!” he begins to say,
“I’ve had it, I’m throwing all of these toys away!”


In a frenzy he slams everything he can into a box -
Miniature cars, a football, an action figure that talks -
“This kid will be the death of me,” he mutters to himself
As he rushes over to his little boy’s toy shelf.


Old wind-up trucks, tiny robots, battery-powered games,
And coin-operated dolls with funny, peculiar names
Are thrown into the box with a loud and violent clank.
Finally he picks up the teeth by their chipped, plastic crank.


They chatter in his hand!  And he drops them in surprise.
“Damn it” he swears, then squints his cold, beady eyes.
He angrily bends down, reaching for them again,
When they chomp on his fingers in intolerable pain!


“Aghh!” he screams, managing to pry himself free,
As the teeth fall to the floor most peacefully.
He runs from the room holding his bloodied hand,
Leaving the toys behind to remain in their toy land.


Amid a cluttered room of dusty, forgotten toys,
These mechanized fossils of abandoned joys,
A pair of chattering teeth sits again upon a shelf
Locked in a smile quietly kept unto itself.


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