Cindy Beitinger Cindy Beitinger
Recommendations: 37

Many many years (ago) in the ancient time, a rich king with his wife and daughter (were) living happily. There are issues with the continuing part of your story. Perhaps something like... They were aware of a terrible shadow entering their lives soon after the queen became pregnant with her second child. I do not know that you are trying to say or what you mean by the following: (in her delibering night on that) Do you mean (delivering of the baby?) You need to develop your story more before you post or you will not have readers follow your work.

Harry Wells Harry Wells
Recommendations: 15

It would be interesting to know what your native language and country is. I ask this because I think your piece indicates that your language has a completely different sentence construction and you are carrying this into your brave and praiseworthy English attempts.

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Fyruz Eyshee Fyruz Eyshee
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Shadow in the graveyard


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Many many years age in the ancient time a rich king with his wife and daughter wasliving happily but who knows this terrible shadow coming through their life as soon as the queen becane pregnent for another child in her delibering night on that 2 comments


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