Shaunna Harper Shaunna Harper
Recommendations: 35

This final line doesn't make sense if I'm honest - maybe I'm stupid and am reading it wrong, but it breaks up the rhyme because it's a bit of a mouthful to read.

Jon paul Janze Jon paul Janze
Recommendations: 10

Shauna is right, it is one sentence in the poem that is difficult to read.

Harry Wells Harry Wells
Recommendations: 15

Paul, last stanza, second line, last word: 'he' may be a typo for 'me' in which case you don't have a rhyme but a repetition. On the other hand if you are using 'he' as a third person singular masculine pronoun, which makes sense, then, following the preposition 'for', it should be 'him' in which case you still don't have a rhyme. Be careful about bending the sentence construction just to make a rhyme work.

Don Yarber Don Yarber
Recommendations: 42

That is what I tried to say in my essay on forced rhyming.

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Paul Day Paul Day
Recommendations: 17

Too Late The Bells

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soul mates

A sign to fill the town with dread,
A chill to wake the sleeping dead.
A cry at night that fills the air
And makes to stand on end one’s hair. 2 comments

Too late the minister arrives.
Too late doth mourning bring their cries.
For in death’s journey,
To Heaven’s door.
Who die on Earth,
Will live no more. 1 comment

A star to light the dark of night,
Not enough to make it bright.
A coming dawn to end all fears,
Which sweeps away remaining years.

Too late the bells do chime for me,
Too late doth chorus sing for he.
For in the hollowness of life
She howls forever hence.
And nothing can console her now,
Nor bring this widow recompense. 2 comments

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Next: Under the Double Star - Chapter Twenty-Seven