Deborah Boydston Deborah Boydston
Recommendations: 45

I Think you should add a period after light. "Perra saw the flickering light. Only her rapid action and DEI 's blessing would....." Just my opinion but I think it would make more sense.

Leonard a. Wronke Leonard a. Wronke
Recommendations: 23

you are saying make it two separate sentences. is that correct?

Deborah Boydston Deborah Boydston
Recommendations: 45

Leonard I think the first half of this sentence would read a little easier if rewritten. My suggestion would be "Presented with this chance at redemption, Perra steeled her soul for the confrontation that was to ensue."

Leonard a. Wronke Leonard a. Wronke
Recommendations: 23

you are probably correct, Deborah. I have a tendency to invert words when I write...after you read my replies ...I will make the changes as you suggest since after I make them all comments become erased.

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Leonard a. Wronke Leonard a. Wronke
Recommendations: 23

Under the Double Star - Chapter Twenty-Eight

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And Fernando Makes Three -Part One Ira Furor Brevis Est

      It was as the Primae was aiding and controlling the Leukan's death and rebirth

that the last CHTHNONIAN saw his opportunity.

     Now was the time to seek his vengeance for the annihilation of his race.

     The intense focus of the mental control and guidance afforded the Leukan was

etched upon the Primae's stressful face.

     All this was transmitted to the CHTHNONIAN because the Primae's psychic defenses

were down due to her concern for the Leukan.

     The CHTHNONIAN "heard" the dialogue warning of his capability to strike down the

Primae and survive to destroy the Sapen world at his leisure.

      The Primae's plan seemed not to be proceeding as calculated.

      According to the Primae incarnations, there was still a chance to save the world

but the Primae had to act swiftly.

      After "hearing" all this, the CHTHNONIAN was more determined in his pursuit of


     It was during this mental eavesdropping that the CHTHNONIAN learned the Primae's

weakness(which until this incarnation had never happened before).

    It was something of which even this Primae was not aware.

    The CHTHNONIAN readied all his COLLECTIVE energy to neutralize, then completely,

obliterate this weakness.

     The CHTHNONIAN only needed a few moments for preparation.

     In her haste to redeem herself, Perra attempted to re-acquire her own body,

forgetting the mortal wound it had sustained.

     When Perra approached and saw her ravaged, half scarred body, she realized that it

would not  be of further use.

     She had a brief moment of uncertainty coupled with worry that she could remain

only a disembodied spirit.

     Perra shook off this notion as she saw all that transpired around her.

     Her spirit state gave her access to both, the Primae and the CHTHNONIAN, and their


     She could read the plan of the Primae as well as the flaw that the CHTHNONIAN

had learned that could be the downfall of the whole salvation of this world.

     Perra glanced around the psychic spirit plane seeking to find the answer that

would solve everything as well as redeem her soul.

     Slowly, through the scene below her, the answer was revealed.

     Perra saw the flickering light only her rapid action and DEI 's blessing would 2 comments

allow her to succeed.

    With this redemption chance presented to her, Perra steeled her soul for the 2 comments

confrontation that was to ensue.

    After a few  moments of assurance that she was ready, she headed towards the

flickering light and hopefully, her redemption.

     While all the chaos was taking place not anybody noticed the diminutive,

multi-colored clothed female as she ran towards the anguished cry of the Primae.

     Soru hoped she was in time to take up, again, her duty as the Primae's guardian.

     Even though it was not necessary any longer, the word or obligation of a ALLIAN

"sister" was still binding.

    In her haste to return to the Primae's side, Soru failed to see the greater danger

that was lurking within the shadows.

     How her sworn oath of loyalty would cause another's demise.

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