Deborah Boydston Deborah Boydston
Recommendations: 45

I Think you should add a period after light. "Perra saw the flickering light. Only her rapid action and DEI 's blessing would....." Just my opinion but I think it would make more sense.

Leonard a. Wronke Leonard a. Wronke
Recommendations: 23

you are saying make it two separate sentences. is that correct?

Deborah Boydston Deborah Boydston
Recommendations: 45

Leonard I think the first half of this sentence would read a little easier if rewritten. My suggestion would be "Presented with this chance at redemption, Perra steeled her soul for the confrontation that was to ensue."

Leonard a. Wronke Leonard a. Wronke
Recommendations: 23

you are probably correct, Deborah. I have a tendency to invert words when I write...after you read my replies ...I will make the changes as you suggest since after I make them all comments become erased.

Please login or signup to add a comment to this paragraph.


Add comment   Close
Leonard a. Wronke Leonard a. Wronke
Recommendations: 23

Under the Double Star - Chapter Twenty-Eight


Share this writing


Link to this writing



Start Writing

More from Leonard a. Wronke

JUST BECAUSE
My World
LIGHT at the END of the TUNNEL
UNFORGIVEN
NO CHOICE

More Books

Harley Bailey Harley Bailey
Recommendations: 29
Amnesis
Jennifer Killby Jennifer Killby
Recommendations: 6
The Legend of The Travelers: Willow's Journey
Georgina Connor Georgina Connor
Recommendations: 8
Lilith
Amanda Krumme Amanda Krumme
Recommendations: 18
Avery King Chapter One
Leslie Blackwell Leslie Blackwell
Recommendations: 21
And Fernando Makes Three -Part One Ira Furor Brevis Est

      It was as the Primae was aiding and controlling the Leukan's death and rebirth


that the last CHTHNONIAN saw his opportunity.


     Now was the time to seek his vengeance for the annihilation of his race.


     The intense focus of the mental control and guidance afforded the Leukan was


etched upon the Primae's stressful face.


     All this was transmitted to the CHTHNONIAN because the Primae's psychic defenses


were down due to her concern for the Leukan.


     The CHTHNONIAN "heard" the dialogue warning of his capability to strike down the


Primae and survive to destroy the Sapen world at his leisure.


      The Primae's plan seemed not to be proceeding as calculated.


      According to the Primae incarnations, there was still a chance to save the world


but the Primae had to act swiftly.


      After "hearing" all this, the CHTHNONIAN was more determined in his pursuit of


vengeance.


     It was during this mental eavesdropping that the CHTHNONIAN learned the Primae's


weakness(which until this incarnation had never happened before).


    It was something of which even this Primae was not aware.


    The CHTHNONIAN readied all his COLLECTIVE energy to neutralize, then completely,


obliterate this weakness.


     The CHTHNONIAN only needed a few moments for preparation.



     In her haste to redeem herself, Perra attempted to re-acquire her own body,


forgetting the mortal wound it had sustained.


     When Perra approached and saw her ravaged, half scarred body, she realized that it


would not  be of further use.


     She had a brief moment of uncertainty coupled with worry that she could remain


only a disembodied spirit.


     Perra shook off this notion as she saw all that transpired around her.


     Her spirit state gave her access to both, the Primae and the CHTHNONIAN, and their


thoughts.


     She could read the plan of the Primae as well as the flaw that the CHTHNONIAN


had learned that could be the downfall of the whole salvation of this world.


     Perra glanced around the psychic spirit plane seeking to find the answer that


would solve everything as well as redeem her soul.


     Slowly, through the scene below her, the answer was revealed.


     Perra saw the flickering light only her rapid action and DEI 's blessing would 2 comments


allow her to succeed.


    With this redemption chance presented to her, Perra steeled her soul for the 2 comments


confrontation that was to ensue.


    After a few  moments of assurance that she was ready, she headed towards the


flickering light and hopefully, her redemption.



     While all the chaos was taking place not anybody noticed the diminutive,


multi-colored clothed female as she ran towards the anguished cry of the Primae.


     Soru hoped she was in time to take up, again, her duty as the Primae's guardian.


     Even though it was not necessary any longer, the word or obligation of a ALLIAN


"sister" was still binding.


    In her haste to return to the Primae's side, Soru failed to see the greater danger


that was lurking within the shadows.


     How her sworn oath of loyalty would cause another's demise.


Link to this writing

Share this writing


Next: i'm still frightened of the pages that have yet to be turned:pt2