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Jordan Hewitt Jordan Hewitt
Recommendations: 13

A Child's Fame


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She had a friend.

Back in the day when recess was part of the daily routine, I was forced to participate in a school play. The state’s way of force feeding some form of fourth grade culture to the everyday unsuspecting student and their parents. Each year we held a different musical, some sort of masterpiece a neglected music teacher has thrown together during their lunches. The fact their actors were in the fourth grade meant these performances could only be so sophisticated. So over weeks of anticipation and anxiety, our music teacher announced that our musical would be a 1950s themed trial of the Big Bad Wolf. How exciting! An idea used thousands of times for children's plays across the world now made incredibly original by the fact it was being held in the 1950s. Now where do I fit in? The lead role. The lawyer of the three little pigs, a part resembling the tendencies and accent of Rodney Dangerfield. Lucky for me, I had some sort of vocal talent which landed me this prime real estate as the one and only “Hogney Dangerfield”. Mainly my lines consisted of “No Respect” this and “No respect” that all with a few lines which projected the story forward. Now throw in a big bad wolf dressed as a greaser, some little pigs in poodle skirts, 35 other kids that wished they were somewhere else with a 1950’s soundtrack and you have yourself a school play of Broadway status.



Somehow after days of memorizing how to read the script (which I easily held on stage) and pouring my soul out on the cafeteria stage for all the rest of the school and their parents to see, I pulled it off. For years after, people would beg me to say those lines once more for their enjoyment. I was incredibly popular. Id receive “we’re proud of you” cards from family filled with Washingtons and occasionally a few Lincolns. This sudden stream of cold hard cash began to fuel my purchases of candy. Soon after I became addicted to candy and my life spiraled downhill. I was snorting pixi sticks under the sled, popping smarties in the sandbox, smoking chocolate cigarettes by the swings, drinking coca-cola with the boys past my bedtime, this addiction led me down a dangerous and crazy road. Then came the women. I’d hug any of them I could and if I had a sugar high, I'd even hold their hand. Eventually my friends saw this destructive behavior needed to stop. So they told my mommy and she sent me to my room where I was put through rehab. I had to eat all my veggies, I had to drink 100% juice, and my sleep schedule was fixed back to eight o’ clock.



I’ve been 10 years clean.



I vowed never to perform again.



My name is Jordan Hewitt, and I was addicted to candy.


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