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Matthew Bolding Matthew Bolding
Recommendations: 6

R. I. F.

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This writing contains explicit content and is only for adults. You have been warned.

PLEASE KNOW and understand that I have refrained from posting this particular piece of work on here mainly because I have not wanted  to influence anyone in any negative way.  However, I realized that this one poem holds more value to me than many, only because when I look back on it and see how far gone I truly was, just how cold and lost my soul was during this suffocating dark time in my life, I learn that although I no longer feel that way I can still share with those out there who may be dealing with or going through some of the same feelings as I felt then, maybe it will help them to know that it took what seemed like forever, but I did pull through and find true beauty in my pain and sorrow. I am stronger now because of the hell I have been through and I wouldn't take any of it back if I could. Whatever you may possibly be faced with during this life, no matter how impossible it may seem at the time, know that deep inside your soul you can find the strength to get through it all. Though you may have to search deep into the darkest corners of your soul to find where the fire has been put out.  I sincerely hope that this may reach someone out there in need of inspiration. You will make it through.

I am a sail boat, lost out in the ocean,
Without an ounce of hope,
Nor the slightest sense of direction,
I don't know where to go,
To escape this infection,
Seeking my inevitable destruction,
I just need one more injection,
Another dose of self medication
That flows like Novocaine through my veins,
Creating a mask to hide my pain;
Like a shelter from the rain.
But I'm still shackled up in chains,
Locked deep within my fucking brain;
Going no where but insane
On this never ending train,
Winding down these narrow tracks
On life's dark and lonesome paths.

I have no answers, don't fucking ask.
No fucking faith, only the facts;
Final results of my fucked up past.
Fuck your deceit and your empty lies
I'll keep believing my own two eyes.
Don't even try to compromise,
For I can see straight through your holy disguise.
Walking around behind that brand new suit and tie,
Condemning the ones who don't add up to your perfect life,  
Then you force blinded eyes to walk down a straight line.
You say repent or be in torment throughout the end of time.  
I just wish that for once what you say isn't a lie,
So that when I finally die, I'll be able to fucking fry.
Eternal damnation sounds marvelous to me.
Fuck free will, it's my destiny.
I would rather burn in hell for all eternity,
Than to spend one fucking day in holy serenity.
If I could not suffer, I wouldn't be able to survive.
All this pain I keep inside is the only reason I'm alive.
I could not imagine a life of peace and contentment;
A life without hatred or mother fucking resentment.

Fuck your gladness and cheer,
Give me sorrow and tears.
No love, only fear.
When all the happiness disappears
And the rage is so severe,
That you scream out but no one hears,
You've been alone for so many years
That the emptiness you have inside
Is now too much for you too hide;
And the pain just won't subside,
When shame overrides your pride,
And you're left broken and confused
No longer knowing what to do,
How the fuck do you stay true
When nothing's here for you?!
How much pressure can a single soul take,
Before that bent mother fucker decides to finally break?!
Does love even exist? Or is there only hate?
It's unfortunately too late, for this is my predestined fate.
God, I'm through playing your sick little game,
Farewell cold world, I will now REST IN FLAMES.

January 02, 2009

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