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Jordan Hewitt Jordan Hewitt
Recommendations: 13

Drained


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Something I wrote one day... i was tired so it may not be that good, simply another rant.


Procrastination. It rules our lives, each and every day it tells us “You can do that later”. Well, right now its later. This paper has been due for quite some time now. I’ve been putting it off for a while. It’s hard to stay focused on things like this. Theres many other things I’d rather do with my life than sit here in front of a computer screen typing away, attempting to fill up two pages worth of satirical writing. I can’t write satire. I get mid way through this yet I’m unable to complete it and just discard the last hour of my life. I feel a lack of motivation, a lack of creativity. I sit here and stare at this screen, hoping for words to slowly appear in front of me. My brain is thinking constantly. A continuous flow of words bounce around inside. Yet I lack the effort to capture them and interpret them with my fingers on the keyboard. Im not sure what could increase my efforts. Im not sure what can gain my motivation. My mind outright refuses to read, refuses to write, refuses to put any energy in my body. My being as a whole is in a depressed state. The source to which my energy is drained is unknown to me. I cannot find the leach which sucks the life out of me.



My plate continues to be piled up. I have a huge project due tomorrow and you know what? I haven’t even written one word of my first rough draft. I need two. Plus a final draft. Not to mention colleges are breathing down my neck, along with my parents. They’re trying to help cast me away into the great world beyond and I appreciate that. I just dont want to take the time or effort to tell them what I need help with. Perhaps my mind cringes at the thought of change. Once I craved things to be different. Now it seems I fear it. My body is deploying its self defense mechanism to try and prevent me from experiencing that fear. Or am I looking at this the wrong way?



Is it society thats conformed me to crave familiarities? Perhaps my mind has been trained to hate new things. Perhaps I have been taught that the lazy man is the successful one. Hollywood has created numerous movies of the lucky lazy man. The media has told tales of those who do nothing yet receive something so much greater in return. Society around me promotes the lazy man. Commercials, products, pop culture, all teaches that lazy is ok. My country is falling apart around me and I do nothing but watch as I worry about the new iPhone update taking too long. Everything is advertised as being much easier now. Our lives are over cluttered. We take on too many projects at once and once the load seems overbearing, we cease working entirely. Like a computer that crashes because the workload is too high. Its a pain to restart it and once you do, it take a while for it to return to full strength. Depending on how bad the crash, the computer may never return to what it was.



That is my brain. A crashed computer. One point in time it crashed, it crashed hard. Ever since then bad habits formed. My mind is always lacking behind. My body is always tired. I lack motivation. My fingers strain to type this. I’ve lost my joy in writing. Ive lost my hope in the future. I’ve shut down, and I dont know why. Every paper has been late. Every assignment, blown off. My grades are plummeting along with my hopes of a decent college. My mind is running in circles. Leaving one topic moving to another just to come back to the first. Perhaps lack of organization. Perhaps lack of effort to piece things together in the right order. Perhaps the fact I’m required to write two pages and as I finish up my first, my thoughts have run dry. An empty gas tank running on fumes. A penniless man, scraping by to make ends meet. My mind is worn down, falling apart. Perhaps this is a satire. Perhaps this is a rant. But as soon as this second page is reached, I’ve won. I’ve forced myself to make a second page. I tried to make this a satire by mentioning societal pressures, yet I’m not so sure that makes it a satire. Now if you’d excuse me, I have to start a project for my English class.


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