Cindy Beitinger Cindy Beitinger
Recommendations: 37

" Some I know mine and what I know." This seems awkwardly worded to me? Are you saying some of the sounds I know are mine?

Leonard a. Wronke Leonard a. Wronke
Recommendations: 23

if you read this through until the end you would see that the narrator is unique. thereby the narrator's speech patterns are not properly developed. when I sent this in to my writing mentor when I was working towards my accreditation to write for children it was my mentor who told me I should writer this passage as it is to show that the narrator is still developing speech and comprehension. if you think it is not correct then how would you write it.

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Leonard a. Wronke Leonard a. Wronke
Recommendations: 23

Awakening


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She had a friend.

i wrote this many years ago when i was seeking my writing for children's literature accrediation. It was only my fifth attempt.  I hope it meets with everyone who reads it approval.


      Wetness. Irritation.
    
     As I open my eyes wide, I see darkness. The darkness makes me afraid. I cry out
from fear of the dark and because of the dampness I feel.


     Also, I feel hunger. The time must be near. Where is she or is it he?  The one
who protects me and sees to all my needs.


     Coldness. It is cold. Why is it cold?. A moment ago, I was warm and comfortable.
Could it be because I kicked. Why should my kicking have caused cold.


     Wailing. My smallish voice hurts but still I yell. Keeper must appear to wait on
me. Why does it not happen?


     Sounds. Wonderful and scary. Some I know mine and what I know. Those others mean
what?  Is it that I am scared and all alone.  Surrounded by the dark and no
safety nearby. 2 comments


     Months ago, I was secure.  Always fed when I wished. Always warm, comfortable.
Everything was done for me.


     I cry, again. Only louder and start to weep from my effort. Is that noise, the
sound of deliverance?


     I move my head slightly and stare into the surrounding darkness. That sound
repeats.  It has to be Guardian. Please. Let it be Guardian!


     I am wet. I am hungry. I am tired. Crying is a pain! A pain that seems to be the only way of getting back to where I was mere months ago. Secured and loved.


     My crying has made me dizzy. Why does this seem to happen at the worst of times. Is it not bad enough I am soaked thru, starving and almost out of patience.


     Keeper and I had an agreement. I cry. Get what I want immediately(or almost always) and Keeper is left alone until I wish attention again.


     A voice? Is that Watcher's voice? Is Guardian coming to attend my needs? Oh, please, please let it be. Why am I treated like this. So fragile. So frail. So vulnerable.


     Everything is so dark. Is this the way it will always be? Black, gray or white. Is this all there is? Watcher, where are you? Please, I am so afraid. The darkness is so frightening. I try to lift myself up and over. Too weak. Too high. I cannot reach the top. I fall. Luckily, I fall upon firm softness. I begin to cry, again.


     Whiteness. Small, but there. A small piece of white near the bottom of the blackness on one side of my vision. This usually means I have awakened Guardian. Will Comforter be warm and soothing. Stroking and cuddling. Or will there be shushing and whispering.


     No end to the wetness and the hunger.


     The whiteness grows larger; blinds me as Guardian approaches. It is always this way when salvation comes in this time of darkness. Whiteness then the attending.


     Keeper comes other times, too, but always in more whiteness than black. Those times are soothing but not as much as now.


     Happiness fills me. My trials are over. The darkness is gone. The light of love and caring engulfs me.


     MAMA IS HERE!


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