Michael Starr Michael Starr
Recommendations: 0

You could do to accentuate "so" more. In fact, each of the lines which begin with non-capitalized words, you could do to accentuate the first word of those lines more. Without capitalizing them, of course.

Warren Gates Warren Gates
Recommendations: 23

I am not sure what you mean.

Davide Castel Davide Castel
Recommendations: 39

Neither do I. It's good Warren.

Michael Starr Michael Starr
Recommendations: 0

Seems dry and one-dimensional. It's a good base, but you could go deeper.

Warren Gates Warren Gates
Recommendations: 23

Thank you for your input. I said what I wanted to say here.

Davide Castel Davide Castel
Recommendations: 39

One writes as one sees it...no more and no less.

Don Yarber Don Yarber
Recommendations: 42

Seems just fine to me.

Michael Starr Michael Starr
Recommendations: 0

Line (2) here provides intriguing contrast. And I like the... professionalism? of the last two lines. What's the word... sort of concise. Um, seemliness.

Warren Gates Warren Gates
Recommendations: 23

I appreciate that you read this so carefully, offering constructive comments.

Davide Castel Davide Castel
Recommendations: 39

This has been written and sung, so it is personal and cannot be changed.

Michael Starr Michael Starr
Recommendations: 0

Convincing voice here. If you change something in the rest of the poem, not in this stanza, I think "pay to pray" would end up really standing out in this stanza. In a good way. In a "I'm a rockin' poet" sort of way.

Warren Gates Warren Gates
Recommendations: 23

Interesting thought. However, the narrator is a bit down and depressed at this point in the lyrics. :)

Davide Castel Davide Castel
Recommendations: 39

One writes as one feels. Good on you Warren.

Aaron Greene Aaron Greene
Recommendations: 30

"The home of the brave, the homeless and depraved" Love this line, even though its sadly so true nowadays.

Don Yarber Don Yarber
Recommendations: 42

I like the line "I'll live with the holes in my jeans....I don't need to shop at L.L. Bean. I wonder how many people with maxed out credit cards, no cash money, and behind on their mortgages, have purchased their attire from places like L. L. Bean where things are very costly and you can buy the exact same items at Wally World.

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Warren Gates Warren Gates
Recommendations: 23

Not Asking For Much


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If you want things that way

I wrote this a couple of years ago, when I was temporarily financially challenged. It was fun to write and it is fun to sing.


I don’t have an arm and a leg
to  buy new boots.
My feet are wet, I wish they were dry.
Tread would be nice
so I don’t fall down.
Seems I can’t afford to walk around.
I cleaned out my piggy bank
about  a year ago
now it’s empty and forlorn on the shelf.
These days when I find pennies
I throw them in a wishing well
and hope that I’m not bound for Hell. 3 comments


I can’t afford new boots or a coat.
It’s hard to keep a roof over my head.
I can’t buy a Happy Meal but that’s just as well,
You  eat enough of them
and  you’ll wish you were dead. 4 comments


Sometimes I pay the rent with funny checks
but I have never heard the landlord laugh.
I try to be good and obey the rules
but  we all know the good guys finish last.
I had to close my bank account
and sell the guitar,
wasn’t making any money with the band.
I don’t understand why this happens to me,
I can’t keep one thin dime in my hand. 3 comments


I work 18 hours every day,
Uncle Sam keeps taking all my pay.
He doesn’t leave enough
to  buy much stuff,
I’d like to go to church but it’s
pay to pray. 3 comments


And now I can’t feed my dog.
The two of us eat stale Cheerios.
But without milk and sugar I can’t look him in the eye
I wish bones would rain from the sky.
And the boots I’m wearing now are falling apart.
It’s difficult to walk in the snow
but that’s a small complaint compared with the fact
That I really have nowhere to go.


I don’t drive my car anymore.
It’s been on blocks since 2003.
Sometimes I get in, close the door and pretend
I’m driving away from misery.


I’m not asking for much
just a pair of boots.
I’ll live with the holes in my jeans.
Footwear from K-Mart would be just fine
I don’t need to shop at L.L. Bean.
But in spite of all my whining and moaning
it’s good to live in the land of the free,
the home of the brave , the homeless and depraved
and a lot of folks less fortunate than me. 2 comments


But  still  I like to  dream of
new boots,  a brand new car
my own home with a fenced in yard,
my dog eating premium food,
a Les Paul that stays in tune,
rocking with the local band
a couple of dollars in my hand
and smile for everyone I meet...

but everything is relevant:


Yesterday I got off the bus at 23rd and Main
and there on the sidewalk, begging for change
was a man who  had
no feet.


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