Susan Stone Susan Stone
Recommendations: 2

You changed tense mid sentence. I would say 'he had been waiting'.

Leslie Blackwell Leslie Blackwell
Recommendations: 21

Like the character names.

Leslie Blackwell Leslie Blackwell
Recommendations: 21

beat up a cowboy on Rez, showed him a thing or two.

Deborah Boydston Deborah Boydston
Recommendations: 45

"cow boy" should be one word, a compound word.

Susan Stone Susan Stone
Recommendations: 2

Tenses muddled again. 'inside was a gown his grandfather used to wear, or had worn. Try and bear in mind what tenses you are using. Hope I'm not being too pernickety.

Leslie Blackwell Leslie Blackwell
Recommendations: 21

just a suggestion but perhaps just leave the sentence at "Gary brought down the box off the shelf and opened it." Garry's next statement mentions what's inside the box so by deleting this info you don't have to double up on sentences and save words.

Leslie Blackwell Leslie Blackwell
Recommendations: 21

I think the word "Everyone" is not the right word to use here. Remember that every fight involved two contestants and every crowd is divided in their loyalty to the one they wish to win. Bookies and Larry's loyal fans could well be booing the outcome, as would those who lost money on the fight. Perhaps find away of dividing the cheers and boos, even a suggestion of a possible riot brewing in the midst but stopped by security could liven things up.

Susan Stone Susan Stone
Recommendations: 2

Funny I thought you were a guy until I read you name at the end. You have a vivid imagination. I wonder where this story came from.

Whitney Shaw Whitney Shaw
Recommendations: 3

Thank you!!!! I don't know, they just pop in my head and I write it down and turn it into a story.

Whitney Shaw Whitney Shaw
Recommendations: 3

it came from the movie Black Cloud, played by Eddie Spear, i took some of it from the movie but the rest of it is mine.

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Whitney Shaw Whitney Shaw
Recommendations: 3

The Good Fighter


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She had a friend.

This came from a dream I had, as i was writing this, i was also watching Black Cloud, played by Eddie Spears, the only thing i took from that movie was, Gary and Freddie were sitting down talking about the spiritual world. But everything else is mine.


There is an eighteen year old teen that has been fighting since he was fifteen. His name is Freddie Long Legs. Boxing has been in his family for generations, it's a tradition past down to the next generation. Freddie's Grandfather was the first Native American Indian to ever compete in the Olympics of boxing.


A boxing tournament was coming up for Freddie Long Legs; he's been waiting for this day, for a long time. He has to fight Larry, a big guy with muscles. Gary Long Legs is Freddie's father and coach. The tournament was finally here; it was time for Freddie, Gary, Larry, and Larry's father to sit down in front of the cameras and reporters. 2 comments


"Freddie, so I have heard that you have never been to the Olympics, is this true?" Asked the female reporter.


"Yes," said Freddie Long Legs.


"Where did you learn to throw punches like that in the practice ring?" Asked the male reporter.


"We'll I beat up this big cow boy on the Rez, showed him a thing or too. 1 comment


"We'll I'm no cow boy, I am the nearest good thing there ever was," Larry said with a smile on his face. 1 comment


"Hey Larry, when are you going to take him out?" Asked the female reporter.


"When am I going to take him out? When you beg me for more....then I'll take him out," smiled Larry with confidence.


"Freddie what do you have to say about that?" Asked the male reporter.


"A big mouth is a sign of fear and ignorance," said Freddie Long Legs.


Larry jumped out of his seat and so did Freddie and they got into each other's faces.


"I'll take you on right now, Tonto! You, the Lone Ranger, Silver, your hole darn posse!" Shouted Larry.


Freddie just smiled, Larry and his father walked out of the room and went to there locker room to get ready, as Freddie and his father did also.


"How do you feel?" Asked Gary.


"Good," said Freddie.


"Are you ready?" Asked Gary.


"I'm ready," said Freddie.


Gary brought down a box off of the shelf and opened it, inside was a gown that his Grandfather wore. 3 comments


"This is the one your Grandfather wore, I want you to have it," Gary handing it to his son.


Freddie looked at his father and smiled, they both walked out of the locker room and into the arena.


"Good luck son," said Gary.


As Gary was talking the bell rang. It was time to meet in the center of the arena.


"Touch gloves?" Asked the referee.


"This will be the last time your gloves ever touch mine," said Larry in anger.


"We'll see about that," smiled Freddie.


Then the bell rang.


"FIGHT!"


They started fighting; Larry kept hitting and pushing Freddie into the corner.


"Put your hands up son, block him, hit him with your right!" Shouted Gary.


The bell rang again. They each went to there corner.


"He's strong," Freddie out of breath.


"Your strong, forget about him, you can't hurt him unless you take him down, he doesn't belong in the ring, he doesn't have what it takes, remember who you are fighting for," said Gary. 1 comment


"Apache nation," said Freddie.


"Good now take a deep breath, suck in some air, get some oxygen," said Gary.


The bell rang.


"It's my turn," said Freddie.


"FIGHT!"


They started fighting, Larry was still pushing and punching Freddie into the corner. Finally Freddie pushed Larry and got to the center of the arena and faced Larry.


Larry punched Freddie in the face, he kept punching Freddie. Finally Freddie started to growl and show his teeth, their were women chanting, drums, men singing in the back of his mind, then Freddie moved before Larry could hit him again, Freddie started beating Larry as he he was growling, the chants and the drums were still going, everybody in the stands stood up and shouted and clapped their hands, even though Freddie could not hear any of it.


Freddy's father just look at him and smiled. Larry dropped to his knees and fell. Everybody cheered, Freddie started looking around and the chanting and drums had stopped, you could hear the crowd, his father came into the arena and gave him a huge hug. 1 comment


"Where's the Olympics anyways," smiled Freddie.


They both left and went to the locker room.


"You don't even know when it happens do you?" Asked Gary.


"What, what happens in the ring, I don't know, I just fight," said Freddie Long Legs.


"Crossing into the spirit world is a very powerful thing, they have chosen you, figure out why they call you?" Asked Gary wisely.


"Great, I thought only medicine men had to deal with this," laughed Freddie Long Legs.


"Let's go home," said Gary.


So they packed up their gear and went home.


Freddie Long Legs never did go to the Olympics, as he got older he had a wife and child, a boy. His son wants to be a fighter also. Freddie taught him everything he knew. The years have come and gone and Freddie Long Legs is now a Grandfather.


He told his grandchildren stories that were passed down from generation after generation. Freddie Long Legs was 58, when he had a massive heart attack, he died at home.


"The Lord has a plan for us all, we all have to go sometime, we do not know when our day is coming but He does, but the question is when that day does come? Will you answer?" 3 comments


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