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Angelica Ramirez Angelica Ramirez
Recommendations: 8

I'm Fine

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soul mates

Cut me into pieces right now, I probably wont feel a thing. It's fine. Everything is fine.
Is that not what they always say?
People lie, because they are afraid to feel.
But I'm not.
I have felt so much
In so many different ways that
Sometimes I just want to silence myself.
I have felt so much
But I can never feel anything the right way.
Kill. Kill myself.
"Does it hurt?" you ask.
Oh of course it does.
But one can only get rid of this pain by killing it from the outside in.
I wish I could stop someone,
Those pedestrians crossing the streets,
The motherly-looking ladies carrying grocery bags.
I wish I could stop them
And scream
"Help me!"
They will stop and look me over for signs of blood.
But oh
They wont find anything.
They will think I am fine.
They will just think I fell off my rocker.
The rocker my parents used to rocked me to sleep each night
Until they realized somehow along the way, a ghost has taken over their daughter's mangled soul.
They don't understand.
No one does.
Hell, not even I.
No one knows how much my chest hurts and stings..
The doctors split my chest open the way I've always curiously wanted to myself.
They scratch their heads and tell me,
"There is nothing wrong with you...."
"A-Are you sure?" I ask.
"It's a little empty in there.... But there is nothing wrong with you."
No one knows why I feel like I am drowning..
The doctors check my breathing, sigh heavily, and say,
"There is nothing wrong with you."
"Are you sure?" I ask, again.
"Your lungs are tired from inhaling disappointments for too long,
But there's really nothing wrong with you okay."
No one believes me when I tell them I feel dead.
The doctors check my pulse and crack open my ribs. Then, with my blood still on their fingers, rub their tired eyes and say, "there is nothing wrong with you."
I ask...
"Are you sure?"
"Your heart is cracked in multiple places and mangled beyond recognition, but it is beating. There is nothing wrong with you."
"There's nothing wrong with you."
"There's nothing wrong with you."
"There's nothing wrong with you."
And so I've learned to finally just play along.

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