Leslie Blackwell Leslie Blackwell
Recommendations: 21

Kinney," she...(lowercase)

Leslie Blackwell Leslie Blackwell
Recommendations: 21

starting to change tenses here from present to past. "I shook my head" - "I shake my head". As with "began" - "begin",

Leslie Blackwell Leslie Blackwell
Recommendations: 21

she spoke - she speaks. "Rapidly" seems better than more hurriedly (just my own opinion)

Leslie Blackwell Leslie Blackwell
Recommendations: 21

which had sped up - which has sped up

Leslie Blackwell Leslie Blackwell
Recommendations: 21

She - lowercase as it is still part of the same sentence "Beatrice Pierce," she informs me...

Please login or signup to add a comment to this paragraph.


Add comment   Close
Sierra Winchester Sierra Winchester
Recommendations: 1

A Fallen Star


Share this writing


Link to this writing



Start Writing

More from Sierra Winchester

Someone Else
Heaven
Years Without
Happy endings are stories that haven't ended
Isn't it Marvelous?

More Books

Harley Bailey Harley Bailey
Recommendations: 29
Amnesis
Jennifer Killby Jennifer Killby
Recommendations: 6
The Legend of The Travelers: Willow's Journey
Georgina Connor Georgina Connor
Recommendations: 8
Lilith
Amanda Krumme Amanda Krumme
Recommendations: 18
Avery King Chapter One
Leonard a. Wronke Leonard a. Wronke
Recommendations: 23
Under the Double Star - Chapter One

Blake has Leukemia, but she's got every nurse at Stony Brook wrapped around her finger. As patients come and go, she has a cast of revolving friends. She shares what little she can in the hospital, the hospital staff included. After Gretchen, her newest friend, heads home Blake is surprised to find someone new. A new friend within a day. But something is off with Beatrice, the new blonde in Gretchen's old room. Will it even matter if she isn't there to stay? But... What if she is?


“Nope, but thanks for the bruise on my arm. I totally needed another one,” I mutter under my breath at the nurse as she scowls at my pale skin. Already, there was a bruise blossoming in the shape of her fingers.
      
       “You know that it wasn't intended, Ms. Kinney,” She swore, but she didn't need to. We both knew that she didn't mean to leave any marks on me; it just tended to come with the territory. After that, the nurse left, leaving me alone in the sterile room. 1 comment


       “Finally!” I grin and stand, glancing out the door to check that the coast was clear before I slip from the room and hurry down the winding hall. It only takes about half a minute to arrive at my destination: Room 313. My newest companion, Gretchen, has residence here. She was in for an appendectomy, so it she won't be around for long.


       Sauntering in, I grin and open my mouth to greet her, but I stop dead in my tracks. Redheaded, blue-eyed Gretchen is already gone, and someone else lay in her bed. Typical, but what's really shocking is the glare she fixes on me. Her mouth opens and the words fly put before I can speak, “What? Are you another peer counselor, because I said that I was not going to waste my time with you.”


       I shook my head, swallowing down the shock and replacing it with my normal haughty bravado, “I'm not a counselor. They suck and can't actually help anyone. At least you're smart enough to recognize the stupidity of them,” Continuing on, I began to walk across the cold, linoleum towards her bed, “Actually, I'm just here to visit a friend. Seems that she left without a goodbye, though. Guess that means I have to go off in search of another person to share my perpetual high with.” 1 comment


       “Perpetual high?” the girl questions, never letting her eyes leave me as I continued my rounds around the small bed.


       “Mhm,” I hum, running a hand across the blanket near her feet, “The greatest high known to man or women. It's all about who you know here. Me? Well, I certainly know the right people.”
      
       A cursory glance over shows that she was regarding me with curiosity instead of disgust now, and I hide my grin, betting that she will be next friend. “What kind of people?” She asked, watching me with wider eyes, giving me a good view of her crystalline blue irises. 1 comment


       Turning to fully face her, I shoot her a large grin, “The best kind. Ones who will get what you want, when you want it, and won't even ask questions about it!”


       Intriguing her further, she sits up a bit in the bed so that our faces arae level with one another, “Seriously?” She questions and something sparks behind her eyes. Excitement? Hope? Terror?


       “Yep,” I promise, popping the 'p'. “Sound like something you'd be interested in?”


       Instantly, her head bobs up and down in a nod and she speaks quickly, “I could be your friend, you know. Share your perpetual high and all.”


       “Yeah?” I say, as if I hadn't already thought of that, “Yeah, I guess you could. Just one thing,”


       Nodding again, she spoke more hurriedly, “Anything. What is it?” 1 comment


       “What's your name, blondie?” I ask, sitting on the edge of her bed and glancing to her heart monitor – which had sped up slightly since she heard what I had to say – and then back at her. 1 comment


       “Beatrice Pierce,” She informs me, eyes boring into my own. 1 comment


       Reaching out, I shook her hand, “Blake Kinney at your service.” Before Beatrice could ask me any more questions or even comment on my name, I can hear the familiar clack of heels against the tile and I jump from my position on the edge of her bed. “I've gotta dash, but you can catch me later, alright? I'm in Room 309.”


       Not waiting for an answer, I take the back entrance out of her room and head back to mine. Hopefully, Beatrice will stop by soon. My room is already growing boring and I haven't even returned to it yet.


Link to this writing

Share this writing


Next: THE ENCOUNTER