Asma Ahsan Asma Ahsan
Recommendations: 31

twitter tweeted? Nice one. :)

Asma Ahsan Asma Ahsan
Recommendations: 31

"It was a time of year" sounds a bit incomplete. Perhaps you could elaborate on it.

Asma Ahsan Asma Ahsan
Recommendations: 31

A good paragraph, descriptive and explanatory.

Asma Ahsan Asma Ahsan
Recommendations: 31

suggestion to change 'absently' to 'absent-mindedly' just to give the sentence more weight.

Asma Ahsan Asma Ahsan
Recommendations: 31

Besides(,) he did not like pelting the river.

Asma Ahsan Asma Ahsan
Recommendations: 31

suggesting: forever passing him by with no hint of where it (had) come from or what eventual destiny it (would seek).

Asma Ahsan Asma Ahsan
Recommendations: 31

reference to the shrill of cicadas brings in the reality of the otherwise almost quaint imagery projected by the paragraph. A fitting end.

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Leslie Blackwell Leslie Blackwell
Recommendations: 21

Eldorado's Last Spring


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She had a friend.

Just something to keep the creative mind ticking over for now.


Sunshine warmed Sebastian’s back as he sat on the trunk of a fallen tree staring thoughtfully at the slow flowing stream that gently licked at his toes. Song birds twitter-tweeted above him from the boughs of gnarly trees whilst tiny insects buzzed here and there, and all around was the constant shrill of cicadas. 1 comment


Spring’s magic had once again usurped winter’s frigid rage and soon the new born lambs would fill the rolling rural landscape with the sound of bleating. It was a time of year that Sebastian had always looked forward to but this year he had been ticking off the calendar with increasing discontent, for this year would see the demise of his beloved domain. 1 comment


The days of the stately trees he had once climbed and shaded him for most of his life were earmarked to be cut down and no one seemed to be able to give him a compelling reason why. They had not, as far as he knew, harmed anyone or could be considered a hindrance of any housing or even land development, in fact few people ever came into contact with them. Yet someone had decided in their wisdom that they should go. It seemed somethings never changed. If it moved someone would shoot it, if it grew someone else would cut it down, and if open space should happen to exist then it would surely be developed. No one would leave these things well alone. 1 comment


Sebastian absently picked up a discarded branch and tossed it in the river. He was briefly overcome with the urge to start pelting it with stones as he had done as child when his imagination would transform such sticks into battleships and stones into ammunition, but he reminded himself of a quotation from the bible; “When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things…” 1 comment


Besides he did not like pelting the river. Over the years it had become like a special friend to him, quietly lulling him whenever he sat by its edge contemplating, listening to his lament at times of sorrow, cooling him in summer afternoons, soothing his tired muscles after hard toil, and always welcoming his company. 1 comment


Few if any of the locals ever ventured near his well secluded sanctuary affording him in his teenage years the perfect secret rendezvous for promiscuous girls with the propensity for skinny dipping. It was where he first made love to the woman he had now been married to for almost fifteen years. She had told him that she was a seventeen year old virgin and he’d been naive enough to believe it. She had lied on both counts. 1 comment


He felt a great sadness that his special sanctuary from all the stresses and overwhelming commitments of the world would soon be hewed out of existence forever. Excavating equipment and bureaucratic officials with hardhats and maps had already started to arrive and by the end of the week the first crew of lumberjacks would be ready to start the desecration; but he did not hold any real malice towards them. That was what they were paid to do and without money they would not be able to survive.


Sebastian looked down at his submerged toes for a few seconds they back at the flowing river. The hypnotic mummer and intermittent splashing lulled him into a hypnotic trance. Its constant flow was like time itself; forever passing him by with no hint of where it has come from or what eventual destiny it seeks. 1 comment


His heavy eyelids gradually closed and he fell asleep with the stream still licking at his toes. Song birds continued twitter-tweeting above him from the boughs of gnarly trees whilst tiny insects buzzed here and there, and all around was the constant shrill of cicadas. 1 comment


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