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Leila Gonzalez Leila Gonzalez
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Her


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She had a friend.

based on a love that I was never really able to explore


She had these wonderful brown eyes that made my heart melt. This smile that would be forever imprinted in my memory. I waited in the rain for her one morning, and held her hand hoping that I wouldn't have to let go.


I was unstable; our relationship was beginning to burn out. I failed to communicate to her and it didn't help that my last heartbreak was still making my heart bleed.


Her hair was the color of the night sky, and December had never seemed so beautiful.


I'm sorry for not being fully there when you truly needed me. I'm especially sorry for not spending our short time to the fullest.
God, I wish I could embrace you one last time. The last time we had seen each other was not the way I wanted to end it.


Te amo y te extraño.


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                              Paragraph 1: Do You Think of Me?


I will admit that time does heal all wounds. Except, no one tells you that the scars stay. You can't help but look at them every once in a while, and you suddenly remember everything again. Like the sound of their voice, or the smell of their sweater. As soon as the memories rush back, then come along the questions. "Why?” you ask over and over, with no response. So, you sulk in these flashbacks with the final question being, “Do you think of me?"


                               Paragraph 2: Confused Phase


You wonder if you could have done more, when in reality, it would have probably all came down on its own.
You start feeling inadequate about yourself.
Was I not enough?


                                 Paragraph 3: Forget?


Please, forget all the times we laughed together.
Please, forget that I was your/you were my first kiss.
Forget about the conversations we had.
Forget about the songs we dedicated to each other.
Forget about our skin touching...
Forget about how we talked about getting married.
Forget about the rings.
Forget about how much I loved you...


You'll forget all of those things, but never my mistakes. It's my fault. Everything is my fault. I’m afraid. I'm sorry.


                                  Paragraph 4: Whoa.  


I'm sorry for thinking I meant something to you. I honestly couldn’t help it. Here you were saying that I was extremely important to you. But, that's not what it seemed like because there you were, infatuated with another, once again. I would watch this play out from a far, becoming bitterer by the second. I knew I still loved her. It just hurt seeing that she had found someone so soon.


                          Paragraph 5: The Things I Should Have Said      


I love you, a lot. I know I haven't been the greatest person with you, but hear me out.
I was hurting like hell inside, so to keep this pain from coming out, I would say the worst things and I’d act like I didn’t care. In reality, it was the exact opposite of how I felt. Every day, I tried not to look up when I heard your name. I tried not to stare when you would pass. No matter how much I avoided you, I couldn't get you off my mind. It's like being a drug addict and going to rehab; you keep taking it over and over until finally, someone forcefully takes it from you. Few days pass, and you feel fine, but as time continues, you feel the absence and it becomes unbearable.


                                Paragraph 6: Who were you?


You were the sunlight that touched my skin.


You were the smell of vanilla.


You were all of my desires.


You were my world.


You were my almost.


I would’ve done everything for you.


But, I let you slip through the cracks of my fingers, just like sand...


                                Paragraph 7: Last


You were my last girlfriend.


You were my last, “I love you."


You were my last kiss.


You were my last heartbreak.


The last person to try playing the Pocky game with me.


You were the last person to make my heart melt.


You were the last person to visit me unexpectedly.


You were the last person that I drew.


You were the last one I gave a flower to.


You were my last wish.  


                            Paragraph 8: My Letter to You


I secretly hope we’ll meet again. I know it seems impossible, but I hope you could forgive me. This time I would hold you and never let go. I would make an effort to know you; the real you. I would protect you and fight to be by your side.
But, that’s just me being idealistic, right?


                             Paragraph 9: That December Day


My memory is a bit hazy now, but I’ll try my best to remember.
It was a nice December day. I was sitting down in class and you ran over to me with a piece of paper in your hand. You seemed a little nervous.
You had said something along the lines of, “I was going to give this to you later, but I don’t know now...”
“What is it?? “, I asked.
You began to back up, saying, “Oh, never mind ha-ha. “
I didn’t want you to leave; I was too curious about what was on that piece of paper that made you so nervous. I grabbed your hand.
“Hey, it’s ok.”
You paused and carefully gave me the folded sheet before rushing over to your desk again.
I opened it and read the words, will you be my girlfriend?
My reaction was pure happiness. I think I sat there smiling like a dork for a while, before writing my response in large letters. Yes!
I thought the timing was great; I was planning to ask you that Christmas.
                                  
                               Paragraph 10: The End?


I can’t believe it’s been almost 3 years now.
You left an imprint on me. Forever, actually. I used to cry all the time about you. I still do, but not as often.
Thank you for giving me an incredible experience. An experience I took for granted. An experience no one could ever really understand.
It’s my fault that I lost you.
I won’t ever forget you. I’ll always love you.
Goodbye.


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