Davide Castel Davide Castel
Recommendations: 39

Should be capital 'I' in 10th line. I also don't think that each line should start s a capital letter.

Don Yarber Don Yarber
Recommendations: 42

8th line from bottom, In life travails perhaps should be In life's travails? You seem to like the word "sans" I see it in a lot of your work. I would caution against using words that your reader may not understand readily.

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Larry Nabiong Larry Nabiong
Recommendations: 8

When Love Means No Bound

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soul mates

This one needs editing...but the idea struck me most: it was the message first, then perfection next...just like our living...never perfect, nor complete lest it has already reached its desired end.

I was trapped inside
Knowing not what to do
Only to be disturbed with
A sudden twist of fate:
I had to see myself perplexed
Then had to pretend blind;
Seeing nothing but the ideal
Self instead of the real one.
Notion of perfection
Never came to me lest i wanted
To lose my sanity amidst
The sea of noise, illusions, apprehensions...
Within me was the spark of genius
To go on with my journey
And to taste the bitter pill
Of inexperienced naivety.
Despite the lack of mentors
In life travails and all
I was still in disbelief
That I was alive, sane and strong.
Just like other creatures, lowly and
insignificant yet, trudging through
Life sans complaints...embracing its
foolery, sacrificing nothing but space
Where more significant matter should have occupied. 2 comments

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Next: i miss the boredom and the freedom and the time spent alone.