All-Things-ScribeSlice

Group: All Things ScribeSlice

Very short exercise

Can we please write a short story of 55 words exactly?
It is an interesting exercise which I think we may have done before.


Davide Castel

11th May 2015


I like this idea but I think it might be hard for me as I tend to get really wordy. I'll think for a little while about what I'm going to post and get back to you.


Maddie P.

11th May 2015


'From the moment of conception, she was loved with a passion.
Though weak at her birth, she grew stronger with timeless nurturing.
She left home to compete in a cruel world.
Suffered many rejections, but still she persevered.
Success was sweet at last.
Proudly I watch my baby, my book, sitting in the local bookstore'.

50 words exactly.


Davide Castel

11th May 2015


Thanks Maddie, take your time. It is not as easy as you think.


Davide Castel

11th May 2015


Okay. Here's mine:

Janet was scared of feelings. And she hated her hair. When Tommy gave her a lopsided smile she dropped her emotions and gave him ice.


Maddie P.

11th May 2015


Very good Maddie, but I meant 55 words only.


Davide Castel

11th May 2015


'Being Accepted' had been her goal in life - a confused child, with the vision of an old woman. She found herself the day she decided that the deepest of rejections came from within her own self. Presenting herself in her uniquely expressive style released that need within, to be heard.

50 words.

Thankyou for adding the prompt. Shall add more stories later.


Asma Ahsan

11th May 2015


Oh dear, I keep messing this up. It was meant to be 55 words exactly. Having a few 'Senior moments' this morning.

Good one Asma.


Davide Castel

11th May 2015


I totally thought it said "25" words. Sorry guys! Okay, scrap that one. I'll come up with a good one later.


Maddie P.

11th May 2015


Sorry! I did say 25 words originally, then 50, so got it wrong a few times.
Am not thinking too straight. Too much rushing around to do a million things.
It's all good Maddie. I like what you wrote.


Davide Castel

11th May 2015


That's okay! It's understandable. And I think I'd like to have another try anyway. It's a fun exercise and I'm glad you started this.


Maddie P.

11th May 2015


Thanks Maddie.


Davide Castel

11th May 2015


I GOT IT! I kept the original but tweaked and added more to it. Here goes:

Janet was scared of feelings. And she hated her hair. When Tommy gave her a lopsided smile she dropped her emotions and gave him a congenial but hemmed smile that had no threads to grasp at. She wondered why he looked at other girls. She wondered why she had to be so afraid of herself.


Maddie P.

11th May 2015


Nice! I love the way you express yourself. I see the maturity. Loved the hem and thread connection. Lovely metaphor. And of course, Tonmy is a flirt and she is afraid to trust him. It's a natural reaction . Takes time to trust a guy. He needs to prove it.


Asma Ahsan

11th May 2015


Thanks Asma. If you didn't deduce this already, I pretty much wrote down my own feelings but gave them to Janet instead because it's easier to look at them when you're outside of the world where they're being experienced.


Maddie P.

13th May 2015


Very true. I think this hairstyle was made for you. I got my hair cut 8 inches because I look better with short hair. Always had this hair. Back to old. ;)


Asma Ahsan

13th May 2015


Thank you! I keep wondering if I should grow it out again, but I don't really see why. I'm happy with it like this.


Maddie P.

14th May 2015


I cut mine short then long again. These days short again, I like change. It's fun. You look good. Enjoy it.


Asma Ahsan

14th May 2015


A few more from me:-

They said I couldn’t do it. I was too shy. Too scared.
My dream of performing at the concert hall was now being realized.
I played passionately, relentlessly and accurately.
Perspiration dripping, I take my final bow.
‘Thank you. Thank you.’ I shake with emotion.
‘What are you thanking me for?’ said my sleepy husband.


Davide Castel

23rd May 2015


I should never have left home.
Now he angrily follows me down the street, chasing me, lifting my skirt and whipping my legs.
Publicly embarrassing and humiliating me.
Bravely I soldier on, but stop defeated at the letterbox.
Mission accomplished, I head back home and shut the door.
Safe at last, from that cruel wind.


Davide Castel

23rd May 2015


Nice! I like how the wind tortures


Asma Ahsan

22nd May 2015


I like both the dream and your windy story.


Cindy Beitinger

22nd May 2015


Thank you both...Asma and Cindy.


Davide Castel

23rd May 2015


Nice theme on vague turning into detail. I like how we kind of think we have an idea of what's going on at first and then it changes and we're surprised. The first with seriousness turned to humor, the second with what the reader thinks is going to be fear of something terrible but turns out to be the wind. All in all, they're both very clever.


Maddie P.

23rd May 2015


He once was a pillar in the community; a wealthy respected man. Now he is old and crippled,
weak and tired. His heart and mind are failing. His body betrays him and his family. He does
not know their faces any longer. No new memories can be made for him.
Dementia and Alzheimer's; so sad.

55 words


Cindy Beitinger

23rd May 2015


It seems that lately I find it increasingly more difficult to birth any creative ideas. It seems that the only pain I seem able to even pretend to fathom comprehending any longer is that of being afflicted by the all-too-infamous plague known as writers-block. All I have written is a mirage of what could be.

*boom*55words*boom*


Jordan Newman

23rd May 2015


Thanks Maddie...This is an exercise with a 'twist in the tail' so to speak, which is written in a concise and condensed form.
Many thanks for your understanding and feedback..


Davide Castel

24th May 2015


Cindy...Great one.
That is indeed a very short and sad story of Dementia and Alzheimer decease.
So many people seem to have it these days. So much has been written about the possible causes too.
SOME THEORIES:
Having Eaten food from cooked aluminium pots,(especially when there was no other way;
Not drinking enough water each day;
Letting the mind stagnate and not being stimulated.
Or plain old age, inheritance, or from too much drinking, etc. etc.
Apparently, it takes around 30 years for full blown Alzheimer's to get to the point you were explaining.


Davide Castel

24th May 2015


Jordan...Good one and very plausible too.
I feel sure that we all go through that stage at some time or other.
I guess it is the world we live in, where our minds are 'all over the place' with modern technology, and not being able to HAVE to THINK creatively! Especially when it is too easy to access whatever.
Sometimes, the mind needs to rest.


Davide Castel

24th May 2015


Another two from me...(Hope it does not come across as being too racist!)

‘Come here little girl. Don’t be scared. I won’t hurt you.’
Said the shadowed figure enticingly.
She was lost, alone and afraid of the black night.
‘I WANT MY MUMMY!' she screamed then jumped from the branch, landing in his outstretched arms.
He cried out in pain, as his truant daughter knocked him down.


Davide Castel

24th May 2015


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