Asma Ahsan Asma Ahsan
Recommendations: 31

What a strong beginning! One suggestion. How about saying, The long and challenging journey (had )finally (come) to fruitition..... That is how I have usually read it. Just a suggestion. Your is grammatically correct too.

Davide Castel Davide Castel
Recommendations: 39

I have problems writing in present and past tenses!

Asma Ahsan Asma Ahsan
Recommendations: 31

I used to edit for Oxford university press. Tenses are my thing. If you don't mind, keep writing and I will keep suggesting changes. I am not overly critical, don't worry. :)

Davide Castel Davide Castel
Recommendations: 39

Please do. I appreciate it Asma. I wouldn't dare bother my children for help, yet they are excellent, however, they are much too busy to bother. They see this as a waste of time for me!

Davide Castel Davide Castel
Recommendations: 39

I actually had my mother in mind when I wrote this 1st para.

Asma Ahsan Asma Ahsan
Recommendations: 31

God Bless your mom in heaven. Children should not help you, your writer buddies should. here we are on same intellectual plane, with kids it becomes difficult as they may patronise you.

Asma Ahsan Asma Ahsan
Recommendations: 31

Line six, Only to be turned away.....to start all over again(!)

Asma Ahsan Asma Ahsan
Recommendations: 31

Line seven, Or a misunderstanding (about) how....

Cindy Beitinger Cindy Beitinger
Recommendations: 37

do you mean "sought-after" position?

Asma Ahsan Asma Ahsan
Recommendations: 31

  Do you mean 'elusive' or 'illusive'. The word illusive comes from the word illusion. So it usually means something thats not real. Perhaps changing it to 'elusive' would mean hard to reach or enter into.

Davide Castel Davide Castel
Recommendations: 39

it's a typo. I was tired last night!

Asma Ahsan Asma Ahsan
Recommendations: 31

Scanned (it's) content

Asma Ahsan Asma Ahsan
Recommendations: 31

You have been improving (after) each time you come to visit

Asma Ahsan Asma Ahsan
Recommendations: 31

I am posting these questions as a new discussion. Stealing from you...

Asma Ahsan Asma Ahsan
Recommendations: 31

How about just writing 'To forgive!' instead of 'it's to forgive,' as that will have better impact.

Davide Castel Davide Castel
Recommendations: 39

Better. It's just the way I talk!

Asma Ahsan Asma Ahsan
Recommendations: 31

...and...(the) (elusive) Golden Gate, swung open(!)

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Davide Castel Davide Castel
Recommendations: 39

The Interview 2


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She had a friend.

This is the follow-on story about my poem of 'The Interview.'  These are just my imaginings of what could happen when I pass over to the other side, if one believes in the other side.


The long and challenging journey had finally come to fruitition for the weary, world wise woman; her determined face mapped the experiences of a lifetime.   6 comments


With dragging feet she purposefully puffed her way up the final steps of the steep mountain towards the large entrance gate, her final destination.  Miriam felt that this just had to be her time.


Arranging yet another interview, the third so far, had seemed to take forever.  
This time, she had hoped to be successful.
Her time management had always been the problem.  
The disappointments of all those knock backs were demoralising.  
How many times had Miriam thought she’d been successful?  
Only to be turned away...and sent to the end of the queue, to start all over again!  
There had always been some minor flaw in her application or a misunderstanding about how her questionnaire was written. 3 comments


With a surge of energy Miriam sprinted towards the gate, where the same watchman called Peter, stood guard.  


She prayed he would take pity on her this time, for she had indeed tried so very hard to fit the criteria for this sought-after position. This was to be her last chance, and if she failed this interview, she would not be given another. 2 comments


‘Welcome Miriam! You’re ten minutes late, again!’


Miriam struggled to speak. ‘...Please forgive me but, those steps keep getting steeper.’

‘Well, seeing as this is your third interview, I will give you special consideration, but we will have to be quick. The queues are building up behind you’.

‘Thank you, I won’t disappoint you this time.’ She exhaled her pent-up emotions.  


Hopefully he would open that elusive Gate for her so that she could  enjoy a well earned retirement. 2 comments


Holding an open book, Peter carefully scanned it's contents.
  
Hmmm!  I see that you have been improving each time you come to visit. 3 comments


Okay, the question today is...What have you learned from your past mistakes?’


Miriam remembered all those other interviews.  Different questions had been asked and she had given some really good answers, yet she had not completely fulfilled all of the questionnaire’s requirements.  Each time she had embarrassingly failed to give a complete answer.

But today, Peter looked different.  He seemed almost … human.  


He looked up from his book and brilliant blue eyes met her brown orbs. Miriam wondered if he had taken pity on her as she pondered what answer to give.  Would it be the right one this time?  In the past she had not found the answer Peter wanted to hear to all those different questions:

What is happiness?  
What do you believe in?  
What is commitment?
Who gets your love?  
Who would you die for?  
What is compassion?  
Where do you belong?  
What is sacrifice?  
How is your time management?
What contribution have you made to the world?
2 comments


Miriam had tried so hard to live up to his expectations, yet it was never enough. Peter did not give her a second chance.  It had to be the first thing that came into her head.

‘Well, what have you learned from your past mistakes Miriam?


Today, all she could think of was...‘To forgive! The world should now be a better place for I know I have left my mark and made a difference...for the better’. 2 comments


Peter closed the book ... and ... the elusive Golden Gate, swung open! 2 comments


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