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1 -Reference to original Duncan story in tenth-grade edition where he knocks Mr. Graham's wine glasses over. Running gag.

Justin Campbell Justin Campbell
Recommendations: 6

2. 'vividly becoming aware' - same sentence used in the first story about this gag, tenth grade edition. Sentence call-back.

Justin Campbell Justin Campbell
Recommendations: 6

3. Ray-Bans reference to a bus-ride edition, in the Timothy Hughes story where he does the same thing.

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Recommendations: 6

4. Reference to the line 'don't put one toe out of line' 5. 'Grow a pair' used in status by Paige on Facebook.

Justin Campbell Justin Campbell
Recommendations: 6

6. The 'king' - I think Brent referred to me as the king of humour or something like that, but not my hair.

Justin Campbell Justin Campbell
Recommendations: 6

7. Tom and Jeremy's dynamics go back to the paternal relatives edition of these stories. Running gag.

Justin Campbell Justin Campbell
Recommendations: 6

8. 'Cool beans' - actually written to me by Tom in response when I told him I knew the older sister [fictional name Alanna] of a prevous classmate of his.

Justin Campbell Justin Campbell
Recommendations: 6

9. Lyndsay and the APV - call-back to the bus-ride edition with the Lyndsay story; running gag. 10. Same sentence as original story with slight changes, sentence call-back.

Justin Campbell Justin Campbell
Recommendations: 6

11. 'Not noticing Duncan on her other side...' sentence call-back, original one has Timothy on her other side, with his dark sunglasses. 12. Pointing out my own kind of humor by using big, descriptive words in place of conventional ones to simply describe wine glasses shattering (descended, multiplied, irregular, imbalance, etc.)

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Recommendations: 6

13. Pre-drinks - reference to Kevin always doing that during the day before a party at night, with enthusasm.

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Recommendations: 6

14. 'Her fifth gate' I think I wrote that in reference to her telling me she wasn't good at remembering the contents of things she'd read if she only read them once, in contrast to people with photographic memory. 15. Costume party for charity - I think that is the same reference. Fictionally read my message about the birthday once I guess. 16. Reference to her participation and enthusiasm for swing dancing. 17. We were both in a drama class once (where I first met her).

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Recommendations: 6

18. Bass guitar - something I'd suggested Shawn should try learning to play a long time ago.

Justin Campbell Justin Campbell
Recommendations: 6

18 (19). 'The Little Drummer Boy' is a reference to the tenth grade edition; Dan and Omar from my Science and English classes, respectively (Omar used to tap his pen against his desk in time, annoying me). They formed a band in that edition together - drum solos, with a pen-tapper ('penist'). 20. 'Ultimate highlight of the occasion' - As the Drummer Boy band was the only positive, non-destructive, somewhat normal story in the tenth grade edition, Shawn and I are the only positive, non-destructive, somewhat normal story in this version; music-playing has to do with it this time as well.

Justin Campbell Justin Campbell
Recommendations: 6

21. Sticky cream soda - a real cream soda Alanna bought one afternoon three years ago, also sticky due to both of them apparently dropping it. I wanted to include all of us dancing to 'Go for a Soda' by Kim Mitchell at the end, but ran out of room for references.

Justin Campbell Justin Campbell
Recommendations: 6

22. Those references exactly. Footloose was an 80s dance movie; Safety Dance is an 80s song.

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Recommendations: 6

23. High-speed rugby balls - running gag from the paternal family editions, though those times they were soccer balls.

Justin Campbell Justin Campbell
Recommendations: 6

24. Sentence call-back and running gag - originally Winter causes Jamie to have lower seratonin levels. Nor epinephrin is a hormone that activates the 'fight or flight' response, which would have been good for him during the impromptu rugby game.

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Recommendations: 6

25. Running gag/reference to the paternal family version; Jeremy's nutty schemes.

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Recommendations: 6

26. Reference/running gag to the paternal family version.

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Recommendations: 6

27. Reference/running gag to the peternal family version. Malaika keeps developing new powers.

Justin Campbell Justin Campbell
Recommendations: 6

28. Reference/running gag to the tenth grade version. I really did suggest to Mellow that could potentially become a curmudgeon. 29. Reference to the 12th grade edition. 30. Reference to the 12th grade edition.

Justin Campbell Justin Campbell
Recommendations: 6

28. Reference/running gag to the tenth grade version. I really did suggest to Mellon that could potentially become a curmudgeon. 29. Reference to the 12th grade edition. 30. Reference to the 12th grade edition.

Justin Campbell Justin Campbell
Recommendations: 6

31. Reference to the paternal family edition - uncle Peter had a time-travel project in his story, which itself is named after the Deep Woods OFF! bug spray.

Justin Campbell Justin Campbell
Recommendations: 6

32. Reference to a memory I have of waiting for Doug Allen to drive me to Henry's (a camera store) one lunchtime at school; while I was waiting for the teacher, he was with a small group of students who were selecting some kind of program to take part in, or seminar, and while I was there, I watched as she chose one - then changed her mind - then changed it again - then changed it back. Allen had erased and re-filled in the slots a couple of times as a result.

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Crazy Sentences - 20th Birthday

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She had a friend.

Note: Some first names have been changed. The numbers (1) provide clarification to the running gags or backgrounds of the writing.

I'd read this first.

Duncan Finkle graduated Borden Farm H.S. (what was left of it) with a focus in chaos theory, accident prevention, and wearing Ray-bans.

Thanks to his unfortunate encounter with athletic director Jack Graham a few years ago that involved exotic Champagne stemware (1), he had subsequently grown neurotic, paranoid and accident prone. Graham had played this along, despite his friend Jason’s slight worries of where it would get him. Had the stemware incident not happened, he would have been the second student in space, via Jason’s desk. 1 comment

When he made a calculated appearance at Jason’s 20th birthday in 2011, he began by worriedly whispering ‘happy birthday’ to the host in his ear, then began the algorithms and chaos probabilities in his head (despite Jason’s desk being able to do so within less than a microsecond) after vividly becoming aware (2) that he’d unwittingly knocked over a couple of chairs. This took him the length of the party itself, until he was interrupted by his disastrous unintentional knocking over of guest Jack Graham’s elegantly stacked exotic Boccalinos. 1 comment

“I’m going to get you,” the athletic director hissed discreetly, though he did not do anything right then as he didn’t want to disrupt Jason’s honourable occasion.
The Ray-bans he wore had been selected and suggested by his unnoticeable friend Timothy Hughes. (3) 1 comment

Paige Rose, pretty and muscular, helpfully aided Jason in his party by ensuring people kept in line, not even letting them put one toe out of it (4), and also being the source of delightful, tough conversation. The phrase ‘grow a pair’ (5) was not infrequent in her speech, and people were well-behaved as a result. 1 comment

Brent Moore ebulliently made his way through the gate, smiling lopsidedly and eying the place in good nature. Since becoming Jason’s friend through a pre-employment employment program, as well as christening him ‘the King’ (6) of many things, hair aside, his life had not been any better. 1 comment

Noticing all the pretty ladies within this new setting, in all their various poses, and forgetting whose party it was or what ‘king’ meant, he made his way over to introduce himself to Paige.

He was never the same, nor the ‘way we was,’ again. By the end of the party that night he couldn’t get himself up again due to the way the place had somehow turned upside down – he had a serious concussion after regaining consciousness and sanity.

Tom Bentley horded his older brother Jeremy into his uncle Robert’s breezeway, keeping a careful two eyes, hands and body on him, as it was his even older cousin Jason’s 20th, and he didn’t want Jeremy’s antics to come to a head within this event like they normally would. (7) 1 comment

However, he couldn’t help but feel some ennui as the occasion dragged onward. While it was mundanely interesting to meet a relative of some random person he somewhat knew in school a previous year, the party wasn’t the same with Jeremy violently vibrating under his grasp. There wasn’t that...liveliness a party should have.

“Yeah, cool beans,” (8) he said noncommittally to the person he was conversing with. This was just no use.
“All right, boy,” he said to Jeremy as he released him. “What shall you do?”
What he shall have done was nothing near what he actually did. 1 comment

Lyndsay Ash, wind-blown and sweaty, and defiantly carrying a Fisher 0.7 Series APV compacted into a metal box (with her comic on top) (9), confidently strode into her friend Jason’s birthday party, which was held at his unheard-of father’s house. She strolled onto the patio with the 6-tonne All Purposes Vehicle and sat down, facing forward, without gaining any odd looks as this was usual. (10) 1 comment

Not noticing Duncan sitting on her other side in a silent, ongoing mental calculation due to his dark sunglasses, (11) she engaged in a nice but blunt conversation with a girl named Paige, who told her to ‘grow some substance.’ Then Jason courteously asked her if she’d like a drink, but before she could answer, the wine glasses were shoved into an imbalance by Duncan, which caused them to tip aside, and gravity to pull them into a descent towards the concrete patio blocks, whereupon they multiplied into constant, countless, irregular-shaped miniature pieces upon impact. (12)
Jason’s desk had to substitute. 1 comment

Kevin Danforth genially drove carefully down Cambridge Street in the Bud Lite semi-trailer he’d fetched from a nearby brewery. After disregarding the many barriers, parked vehicles, toys left unattended by the children who had to escape, and other objects he otherwise did not see due to his untrained eye and massive blind spots, he finished reversing as much as he inaccurately could up the wide driveway and bounded onto the scene in the patio, jubilantly announcing “‘pre-drinks,’ everyone!” (13) 1 comment

Unfortunately there were no pre-drinks as the trailer exploded from the high pressure of carbonation in the bottles built up by the constant shaking and vibration caused by Kevin’s inexperience of driving semi-trailers. The force only shook Duncan, however, who, lost in deep calculation, grabbed for the nearest stable thing available to him out of shock and unbalance, which turned out to be the thing he’d been avoiding all day. He glanced, horrified, at Jack Graham, whose eyes shot sparks.
Jason’s desk had to substitute.

Shirley Andrews, in her graceful ways, entered her fifth gate (14) and let out a sigh of relief as she recognized Jason, his desk, and Alanna. Wearing a dog costume as she believed this to be a costume party for charity (15), she did a double-spin borne out of her swing dancing practices and enthusiasms, and looked forward to using her acting skills (16), honed from previous drama classes and an appearance in a school play years ago, for the dog personality. (17) 1 comment

A soaked individual with an effeminate look thanked her for helping them with uncertainty, and Jason, surprised,said, “aren’t you already here? I thought I told you how mature you look.” To her ungraceful shock, she saw who he was referring to, and almost fell on top of Alanna, who was busy conversing with some crew-cut character out of interest.

Jason’s desk provided aid to the paradoxical dilemma.

Shawn Norman, tall and smiling, happily stepped through the gate in the breezeway, saw Jason and appreciatively said, “happy birthday Jason!” Noticing Alanna, his former colleague at a Donald’s Foods way south of here, and narrowly avoiding the descending wine glasses, he walked up to the host of the event and patted him on the back. “I wasn’t sure what to get you as a gift,” he said with genuine warmth and friendship.

“You didn’t have to get anything,” reassured the 20-year-old. “Your appearance was enough, I’m happy to see you.”

“No, see, I brought something you might like,” he continued. From under his light jacket, he pulled out a right-handed bass guitar. (18) 1 comment

“Whoa,” said Jason, the four teachers also there, Lyndsay and Shirley.
“Would you like a drink?” asked Jason in awe.

For the next couple of hours, after he’d downed his root beer, the party was filled with the low sounds of bass-driven Pet Shop Boys, Madness, and ‘everything else’ covers. Sometimes Jason accompanied him on the keyboards, secretly wishing he’d invited the duo The Little Drummer Boy (a drummer and a penist) (18) to provide percussion services. The music was the ultimate highlight of the occasion. (20) 1 comment

Alanna Breckman, after researching all the facts written up for her by her younger brother, entered the place calm, cool, collected, and in complete knowledge of every possible circumstance, personality, danger and outcome – knowledge even more refined than either that hapless Duncan character’s stunted mind-freeze before he smashed the wine glasses, and better-suited to tell the future than Jason’s desk-thing thanks to Ian’s secret scrutiny of the event from a secret tree-house, his mild skills as a futurist, and the tiny earpiece and microphone both had on each other’s person for communication. She also carried a mishandled, sticky cream soda due to one of her siblings dropping it during the car ride to the area. (21) 1 comment

Looking to her left, she saw a comatose man in his twenties, and instantly knew him as Brent, the goofy guy Jason had known from a previous SFY program, and a girl named Paige, a childhood school classmate of the host’s. She was bluntly talking to Lyndsay, an extremely insubstantial personage who was prone to being blown away and relied on units of massive weight to keep her on the ground sturdily. She didn’t want to be part of the bluntness of the conversation, and so, knowing that this person knew her younger sister at one point, she chose to sit with soccer player-cousin Tom, in case they had anything in common other than the mutual connection to the same person. After knowingly catching her friend Shirley when she arrived (dressed as a black lab) and gently passing her over to the host so he could help seat her, the conversation would prove to be boring (even after this Tom had decided to release his older brother on the place) and considering no one in the breezeway except for a select few enjoyed the art of dance, she ended up walking past the three teachers, avoiding the sudden surge of the game she knew would take place that next moment, and sat with the older version of Shirley, where both could enjoy the error-filled music of Shawn and Jason’s creation as they calmly watched the absurdity of the place unfold. Eventually they would end the night by dancing on the roof despite its peak (as Jason’s desk would provide a dance floor, as well as music, for the four of them). 1 comment

They did everything from swing to Russian dance styles, from Footloose to the 'Safety Dance.' (22)As for the mishandled cream soda, Jason’s desk provided the perfect handling skills to it, which soon became perfect to drink later.

Meaghan Bentley bounded into the breezeway ahead of Tom and Jeremy (as she couldn’t stand being near the troublesome duo) and hugged her cousin Jason, waved at her uncle Rob discreetly watching the whole event from the sliding door (who thought he was perfectly unseen) and then proceeded to walk (while being monitored by a grinning presence) towards the shed at the rear, where she kept a secret stash of high-grade rugby balls.

In her comfort zone, she was about to throw high-speed rounds about the room, (23) but then she had second thoughts about it. Then she knew what to do. 1 comment

Bringing three of her professional rugby balls, she proceeded to involve the majority of the party in an impromptu game of rugby, surprising everybody involved. She threw a ball at a dumbstruck Kevin, who’d been secretly pissed off over his exploded trailer of alcohol, and in result it bounced off his hand and into Jeremy’s face as Alanna passed behind him. Further confusion and ruckus prevailed as people had no idea what team they were on, who was throwing to who, who was actually playing or not, and how to play rugby in the first place. Brent received many passes in his comatose state but was not prone to passing, so he accumulated many penalties. Shawn inadvertently became prone to making mistakes on the bass, likewise with Jason on the piano, Paige proved to be too rough and aggressive, Shirley ducked and barked and roared in confusion and anxiety, Tom hurled himself out of the confusion and into the sidelines causing Meaghan to yell ‘quitter!’ abrasively at him (this was not his sport) Nelson appeared and disappeared instantaneously now and then, Malaika followed him, Lloyd proved to be an effective, helpful and capable team player to a point, Jeremy did various unspeakable acts, Lyndsay disappeared into her small metal box with her comic on top, Jamie yelled and argued and dived and complained and tried to get into Jason’s desk unsuccessfully, and Duncan squealed and jumped and was often mistaken for one of Meaghan’s professional rugby balls. He was subjected to being spiralled about for the first period of the game.

For the first time, Jason was unable to manage to get his desk to provide the support needed. He was too caught up playing ‘West End Girls’ on the piano inaccurately.

Jamie Bentley was appreciative and happy to come to Jason’s scheduled party, as it did not conflict with his diving schedule, but he still wished that the party had been at a pool. This wasn’t his setting, it was hot (about 22°C) and he wasn’t normally in a tight curl as part of his diving repertoire.

Physically, mentally and emotionally being in his uncle’s breezeway also contributed to the lack of sensitivity his neuro-receptors had towards serotonin and nor epinephrine, the hormones in his brain that brought on happiness, alertness and a sense of well-being. (24) 1 comment

Jason fortunately came to the rescue, remedying the problem by providing his desk for him to dive in. When he came out, soaked and fulfilled, Jason introduced him to Shirley, who had answered a few questions regarding his choosing of a university program to major in, and he gratuitously thanked her. Later, a dog-costumed girl would walk through the gate, who he recognized instantly as Shirley again, while she also sat a few seats away. Uncertain, he thanked her as well.

He’d attempt to avoid the sudden mess of a rugby game later on by returning to the desk, but he was unsuccessful (only Jason knew how to operate it). Unfortunately, he couldn’t get his neuro-receptors sensitive to nor epinephrine again which would have been perfect for the situation he was in. He had to dive again for that to happen.

Lloyd Arman marched into the area with confidence, swagger, and a pair of drumsticks.

Drumming on everything from the wall to the top of Kevin’s cranium, they boasted his well-being and made him prepared for anything that might involve him in whatever way, much the same way as Jason and his desk, or Jamie and his diving. They made him a great rugby player. They made him immune to Paige’s abrasive demeanour. They knocked away all the incoming wine glasses when they fell towards him.
They made him shock-proof from Kevin’s exploding semi-trailer of alcohol. They made him avoid all of Jeremy’s destructive and nutty schemes.

But for all of the wonderful things Lloyd’s drumsticks came to remedy or support or fix, they weren’t invincible. Near the end of the rugby game, Lloyd caught Duncan (then currently mistaken for one of Meaghan’s professional rugby balls) and as he threw him, one of his sticks got tangled in Duncan’s fine blonde hair, and fatefully snapped.

Lloyd’s professional sportsmanship diminished entirely and the rugby game ended in several times the disaster it had begun in. By the end of the party Kevin had to gently carry him to the semi-trailer to take his poor buddy home. Jason volunteered to use his desk to fix his broken stick at one point, but Lloyd had held it in the same high regard that wands are by wizards in the Harry Potter series, and, like wands, if it’s broken – it can never be the same if attempts to mend it are sought out. There was no such thing, unfortunately, as an 'Elder drumstick' (not even Jason’s desk could materialize it).

Jeremy Bentley, mindlessly vibrating under Tom’s grasp, was trying his hardest to enjoy his elder cousin’s ascent into his second decade of fine living.

He needed to be free, but Tom was busy talking to some red-haired girl named Alanna (whose last name sounded very vaguely familiar) and it was only until Tom got easily bored that he unleashed him, and said, “what shall you do?”

He jubilantly shot an index finger into the air with pride and shouted, “I’ve got it! I know what I shall do!”

From then on, the place was thrown into absurdity (25) as Jeremy whipped around the place measuring everyone’s height, calculating the force of his cart-wheeling through the rugby game, messing up Jason’s piano by fidgeting with it as he played, spinning abruptly around in circles to deduce the amount of his dizziness, fighting the black lab that had eventually entered the breezeway (and performing psycho-analysis on it when Jason eventually loaded it into his desk device), throwing an aerosol can at Kevin’s head to listen to the impact, mimicking Lloyd’s drumstick movements, performing a cat scan of comatose Brent’s brain to observe his mental state, throwing himself on top of the wrestling crowd that was the rugby game in a failed attempt to crowd-surf, and being the first one to successfully enter Jason’s desk to test some of its abilities. 1 comment

The result left Jeremy orbiting the moon at the speed of light, until Jason calmly recalled the APV back to Earth with a remote device (this over-rode every single thing the desk could do) once he finished playing piano to Scritti Politti’s hit ‘Perfect Way’ with Shawn.

Tom had no choice but to restrain his rambunctious older brother after this incident, who insisted on mindless attempts at beer-pong with the dog he’d psycho-analyzed earlier. What he’d done was...unspeakable to begin with, but gaining access to Jason’s desk...there could be nothing more severe.

Nelson Bentley appeared and disappeared instantaneously throughout the entire affair. (26) Jason was becoming ever more stunted at this because he just knew he had a function on his desk that could alleviate this, but he couldn’t for the life of him remember what it was nor could he access it (he was busy all day and night playing keyboards alongside Shawn). 1 comment

When Jeremy left Earth in a streak of light, Nelson suddenly appeared and remained physically there. He looked around and noticed the general ruckus and mayhem.

“Hey Jason,” he finally managed to say with a sense of importance, “Happ –“

But Jason had recalled the desk back to Earth just as he’d finished ‘Perfect Way,’ and the moment the function Jeremy had enabled was terminated, Nelson instantly disappeared again, reappearing in the shed, basement, street, roof, bathroom, etc. etc....

Jason sat there, dumbfounded. What was it that Jeremy had unknowingly activated? And more importantly, how did he get inside his desk?

Malaika Bentley became advance-location sensitive, so she could predict which locations at which Nelson would appear next. (27) 1 comment

However, she grew tired of following her older brother around the general area and finally stopped to enjoy herself despite Nelson’s urgent message, which she only heard in lapses as he appeared only momentarily.

It turned out to be “Malaika, it's Jason's birthday. Please tell him I wish him a happy birthday.”

It hadn’t occurred to her that this occasion was such, due to the general confusion which suggested it could either be a costume party, or a rugby game, or a musical gig. Once thing was certainly for certain though – it was a complete fiasco.

At least she knew the advance location of the cake, which guaranteed her the first piece.

Throughout all of this, with Alanna’s paradox and Kevin’s explosion, Lloyd’s inspirational drumsticks and Duncan’s dark sunglasses, four teachers were in attendance, all of whom came to surprise the host. Kevin Mellon, curmudgeonly as ever, (28) took a seat against the wall and began criticizing everything he heard or saw, especially the rugby game, Jack Graham provided helpful, optimistic support to Mellon and also imported the expensive bottalinos, subsequently plotting deep revenge on Duncan Finkle when he destroyed all of them despite his close watch on the destructive cad, (29) Evan Mock, who helpfully filmed the entire thing for inspiration for a theatrical performance, and Doug Allen who, due to his maturity, volunteered to handle all the food, garbage, collateral damage, instruments, utensils, claims, rugby calls and penalties, coaching, expanding carbonated foam oozingfrom the semi trailer, injuries, broken wine glasses, towels, counselling, budget, fuel, furniture, song list, community support, and overall event planning. (30) 2 comments

He also forced himself to greet everyone who walked or padded through the gate, and calmed Mellon and Graham down if a wrongful penalty was given out, or if Duncan Finkle did anything else to cause Graham to shoot sparks from his eyes and to remind him of his time and place.

Jason Fisher, the host and creator of this event, had planned out a day of fortune and socializing. He even brought his old pencil case, a cookie container, out from storage, gave it a Ministry of Health-approved washing in his desk, and filled it with delectable snacks to be the centrepiece of the table.

He had his desk with him just in case, as it was so helpful. As for his advancements and maintenance on the APV, he’d been working on it since last year to enable it to travel in time.

Having discovered, taken an interest in, and secretly studied his Uncle Peter’s Deep Forest Time-travel project when the family went up to the cottage in the summer of 2010, (31) he approved it as a good and useful idea for his APV and had started work on it. Unfortunately time-travel had since proven extremely difficult to deal and tinker with, and so far, since starting last summer, he’d only managed to create a time-altering device on it, which was useless unless a paradox occurred and two objects or individuals happened to be in the same place at once (which never happened). The most he’d done with that was test it on a few guinea pigs. 1 comment

At the beginning of the party, as he looked up and acknowledged the secretly grinning younger brother of Alanna’s hiding in his tree house, the first guest to arrive right on time was Shirley, although she looked slightly older than he’d last seen her. Shaking her hand, he said,“You look really mature.” She smiled and wished him a happy birthday in earnest.

As the party wore on and the rest of everyone arrived and began turning it into the fiasco it has since been chronicled to be, Justin noticed Shirley gasp in shock and followed her gaze. Looking at the gate, he saw – Shirley, dressed up in a black lab dog costume.

Shocked, Jason said, “aren’t you already here...I thought I told you how mature you look.”
The costumed Shirley noticed herself sitting a few seats from Jason and swayed, almost collapsing onto Alanna, who was engaged in conversation with his cousin Tom. After she involuntarily got caught up, dazed and confused, in the rugby game, he fished her out of it inbetween songs, and Jeremy sprang up to psycho-analyze her, as Jason led the dazed present version of his friend to his desk while Doug Allen approached the older Shirley in case she needed counselling. Flabbergasted, the only thing Jason could think of doing was activating the time-altering paradox device on her. But he’d only tested it on guinea pigs. What would happen when a human was subjected to it?

The result was a total erasing of the present version of Shirley’s memory, and a total removal of the danger of either one of her ceasing to exist; both of her now seemed to be stable physically, mentally and emotionally.

Doing the most logical thing that occurred to him, Jason let the present Shirley spend the rest of the affair sleeping in a bunk in the rest module of his APV. Thankfully, neither Jeremy nor Jamie took notice of her when both of them separately used the device later.

Returning to the party and the older Shirley, who assured Doug that she now felt fine, then didn’t, then did, then didn’t, then did again, (32) Jason took her inside the house for an explanation. 1 comment

It turned out that, four years from the party, in 2015, Jason had indeed succeeded in enabling his desk to travel through time. After multiplying his APV into three as personal sales models (yet he never sold copies of his device to anyone other than by special request) he had been approached by Shirley explaining that she had no memory of his 20th birthday party, and wanted to experience it in case she hadn’t gone to it. Jason had obliged and had lent her one of his personal sales models, explaining intricately how to use the device, etc. She had travelled to Chinatown, June 25th, 2011, at precisely 1:55pm, parked down the street, and had walked to the party, arriving exactly on time at 2:00pm.

Now having experienced it, she now knew exactly why she’d had no memory of the event, and went on to vow to herself that she would pay more attention to the details of messages. After all, how did her past self ever get the idea that it was a costume party for charity?

The time-travel project itself has since been the longest recorded work of any project Jason has to date worked on with his desk, as no other improvement or addition had taken him longer than 75 minutes. It is also counted as his most ambitious – but we will never know if that is his final project.

It is justifiable to note that the unusual occurrence of the buildings of Borden Farm High School evaporating and disintegrating into disappearance was actually caused by the blank copy of a desk left by a disgruntled former student.

The copy was left in the basement storage rooms, locked and unattended, whereupon it began to emit rays of a specialized sort of radiation that caused the surrounding building to both evaporate or disintegrate, essentially melting the whole structure slowly away throughout the summer holidays. Attempts to fix the school had been futile as anything inanimate that had any relation to building materials would just melt in correspondence to the special radiation when brought into the affected range.

The quarter of building left untouched by the radiation consisted of the gym, and the Canadian & World Studies offices. The desk was left buried underground when the basement collapsed under normal building structural pressure as it melted away, and is still activated (only a remote switch currently in the ownership of the former student can control it).

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