Daniel Bird Daniel Bird
Recommendations: 47

" - Although to some, they may seem petty, they are things that cannot go ignored. - " Very true and yet very sad that a majority of world issues ARE going on just as if nothing is wrong, when the cold, hard fact is that this world is in the most dire state it has been in since the beginning of the human race. Great message here Jordan.

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Jordan Hewitt Jordan Hewitt
Recommendations: 13

Going Quietly Insane

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This writing contains explicit content and is only for adults. You have been warned.

I think I swear in this. I wrote this pre liquor. Im posting it post liquor. Im not sure if I will keep this posted but for the moment it seems right.

Each day I wake, each breath I take, my mind runs at a pace I find almost painful. First world problems run through me like a vast river, rapids crashing into me, damaging me mentally. Although to some, they may seem petty, they are things that cannot go ignored. My girlfriend, a gracious young girl. She's gorgeous. She's smart, sometimes too smart. She's smarter than me and I sure as hell know that. She treats me like a king. She does things for me, my career, my future. She cares about me, she loves me. Even when I don't deserve it. Even when I'm an ass to her. Even when I neglect her. When I don't return the love she gives me. When I speak of other women. When I don't get her flowers. When I don't whisper sweet things to her. When I lose my temper and yell at her for petty things. When I dismiss her dreams of a future. She's stuck by me. She still kisses me. She still tells me she loves me. I'm suprised she hadn't left me sooner. She's finally realized the piece of shit I am. She's realized the way I've treated her. She's ... She's going to leave me. For life without me is a brighter life. One where my petty life doesn't torment and beat down one who desires so much more. I don't treat her poorly on purpose. I don't mean to. I try to treat her better. But I... I haven't. I'm no better than the assholes before me. The scum that abused this poor girl. No, I haven't abused her... At least not physically. Perhaps mentally. No. Not abuse. Bullied her. I didn't mean to. I warned her I'm a worthless man. I tried to tell her I would become a monster. I know I have this side. I do. But I just don't realize what I've become until it's too late. Right now. It's too late. She's going to leave me. There's nothing I can do. I don't deserve her. I never did. I'm going to drink tonight. Drink till I forget her. Drink till I become a better person. Drink till I can't think. Fuck. The alcoholic bloodline in my family is slowly creeping into my life. I'm letting it. 2 comments

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