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Goldie Kohli Goldie Kohli
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She had a friend.

Gaining focus on important stuff

I held the pencil at about a foot away from my eyes. My eyes picked the sharp lead and focussed on the bright tip reflecting the sun's light.

“Mediation helps build focus which will help you concentrate” said the psychologist. “ Your mind is racing at 1000 kms an hour, scattered in all directions. You need to slow down,  disconnect from the not important stuff and shortlist what you really need..” I was surprised she was so young yet packed such knowledge. I was nearly 10 years older than her, at least that's what she looked like.

It was hard to keep staring at this stupid inanimate object even though it could leak words in the correct hands but I only used it for underlining stuff I liked in books that I read.  

I kept staring, not willing to give up. Surely this would work. I had read about such stuff that people did that helped them gain focus and be at peace with themselves. My eyes darted to the walls of the room, the book shelf, the sound system and then they rested on my stomach moving with each breath. I watched my breathing, I heard my thoughts whirring around covering the entire day.

And then, Geronimo!. I locked in on the tip of the pencil, my eyes steadied. There seemed to be a connection building between the living eyes and the pencil tip. The light from the tip to my eyes and back again and again, caught in an iteration seemed to be spinning a web and the web was getting tighter, tauter, solid.  

I could hear no sound except the pencil tip's blazing. It was becoming bigger. I could not see my stomach moving, could not see the furniture in the room. The neighbour's toilet flushing and his loud music that normally annoyed me was not even falling into my ears. My lips were not moving, I did not want to say anything.

My eyes were locked into the pencil's orb and I did not feel the sensation of holding it as it appeared to float, as if having a life of its own, caught in a duel with my vision. There were not even these thoughts. The room had gotten dark. It seemed to be losing light with each second that I was wired onto my object of fixation.

I could see nothing in the room. I reached to touch where my leg should have been, there was nothing there! I expected my heart to beat faster and I placed my hand where it should have been. It just floated through. Nothing pulsated in my temples. I was calm and then the pencil tip too vanished.

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