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Jordan Newman Jordan Newman
Recommendations: 15

i know i've been silent for far too long

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i see angels above me, i see demons below me, fighting over heaven.
i loved her more when i was sober.
i don't want a second chance.
love starts with that of a flickerin' cigarette
i swear i could feel your love before i knew your name.

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while i've been a stranger to this site please believe it was not out of choice- i have had many issues... being disconnected from a computer/internet was one... being forced to bounce around housing arrangments another... having nothing to write about other than having nothing to write about.... finding out that the muse that fueled my relentless poems may have existed with in a time frame... i may have squandered all my talents... and WORST of all (besides being sober) about 8months ago i awoke to discover my right hand was utterly USELESS...i mean limp like it was paraylisis. for the life of me it was limp from the wrist down, my hand just hung down... for the life of me i had been unable to move it even slightly, nudge even a slight twitch from a finger, it was totally dead.... i had feeling in it but could not move it! slowly after months (of course i went to neurologist as it was truly horrific and frightening) who said it was idiosymatic... and that physio would help it return until it decides to simply fix itself all on its own.... apperantly my nerves from the c6 part of my spine had grown lose from its incubator as well as the nerve endings that control my ability to move hand/wrist.fingers/etc. had become tangled with one another.... and sadly there is no concrete logical explanation they could offer other than "it happens" went from 100% limp to a few weeks later being able to wiggle fingers and move the wrist slightly.. months later could form a claw like talon to try holding things (which proved fruitless as i possessed no strength in it) but slowly more of it returned to me... gradually, bit by bit i learned to be grateful for the ability to have hands... it was strange, 4 months in and it was 40% functionable.. took 7 months to finally be about 90% useful- to the point that it wasn't appearnt to have any fault to it... all that i struggled with was holding a pen/pencil and writing (esp for long times) and even worse yet was unable to properly type on a keyboard... so even if i had had anything worth saying, i would have gone insane being unable to have had a way to release it.. (maybe everything happens for a reason?) anyway, i am now over poetry (but this i did just write in an attempt to use a different formula/style all together for experiment) but i do want what i need, validation hahaa- but i am to be working more on short stories/novels this coming season...

my porch light
is dim and cannot
provide aid in sight
for she is too bright
in her hued contrast.
however it is a start
as i make an attempt
to have her be present
and to always exist
inside that of my spirit
as well as in thought.
her beauty one cannot
seem to ever forget;
to even make such an effort
leaves a pain in ones gut.
there is also the opposite
which means i cannot
manage to ever present
her descript in what
i would call being accurate.
so i patiently sit
haunched over never content
that she will ever prompt
me to not stare in fright;
rather to try and rest
in her arms in comfort
that is absolute.

time can be as quiet
as a thief in the night
before it was appearnt
what we experienced
was to come to a halt-
i hadn't even felt
that even one minute
had been collected
by whom controls fate.
i violently blinked
then did my best
to drink in what
i could digest
and devour right
up until the moment
when my eyes couldn't
continue to be a desert.

in the sky is a hint
that the blue tint
will be replaced
by gray which meant
a storm of some sort
was trying its hardest
to be more than a thought.
which i can relate
since there now exists
even one thing that
can make me feel complete.
only when she is present
do i feel slightly confident
that i could live differnt.
honestly if no threat
could even make a hint
that we may be seperate
as only that would hurt. 1 comment

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